I Have Been Released
I met a man, by chance, that would change my life. Never in a million years did I think I would have a chance to be myself. Never. I have always made concessions for every other person in my life. I put everything I wanted and needed on the back burner. I was so used to it that I didn’t know how if felt to be loved, to be truly loved. Love is sacrificial. It should be sacrificial both ways. It should be give and take. It usually isn’t.
He understands my emotions, my passion, my insecurities, my sexuality, my crazy, and my spirituality. He loves me in a way that I didn’t think was real. I have been a giver, a pleaser, my whole life. It makes me fulfilled to do for others. I want to be everything to the man that holds my heart. He holds my hands through my “adventures”, through the maze of emotions, and guides me gently. He pushes me but never to the breaking point. He has never failed me and that is something I am not used to. When I am too weak to stand, he holds me up and carries me if I can’t walk.
I love sex. I know you think you do too but I mean I really love it. It makes me happy. It makes me fulfilled. It makes me complete. I don’t just love sex, I love to do all the things that most women won’t do. I love it all. I like rough sex. I like to be used. I like to be passed around. I am up for just about anything at any time. I have always been like this but it is attached to a stigma. Sex is so primal. It is the reason every single one of us is here on this planet. It is as necessary as any other innate human behavior.
I let go during sex. I am ever present in the moment. Everything else can melt away and my body takes over and does what it is supposed to do, what it needs to do. The closest thing I can equate it to, in my experience, is a runner’s high. I have been with so many men that can’t believe the things I will do, the things that I like to do. Men are willing to be that safe space for you to explore your sexuality, you just need to build trust. Once you do, you will be released as well.
We are all freaks in one way or another. One thing I have learned is that one person’s sexual freakness is no different than mine. While I can’t understand why someone wants to smell my feet, they may not understand why I want to be slapped across the face. This is what makes sex amazing. It’s give and take. It’s a journey. I can’t get enough. So I began my journey to sexual freedom. This man I have fallen in love with has given me freedom. He allows me the freedom to be myself. The more I become myself, the more he loves me. He has never judged me for a single thing I have brought to him.
He is my Master. I am his Servant. I am so very loved and adored by him. It shocks me sometimes. I am in awe of his love for me. He keeps me safe, protects me at every turn during every adventure. He is proud of the woman I am becoming. Our relationship and it’s dynamics are unique to us and our needs and that is how every relationship should be. I have found the glue that binds my broken soul. I am thriving. The trust alone is staggering.. To be owned is to be freed.