Darryl (Raw thoughts)
How can you sit there and be so demanding, asking back what little you gave to her? We begged you for years to be part of our lives. We idolized you for the man we wanted, we needed, you to be only to be let down time and time again. Even knowing she was dying you couldn't muster up more than two visits. You missed her wedding to cater to the comfort of a woman who will mean nothing to you in just a few years, if that, and you have the nerve to ask for a necklace back that you only gave out of guilt? She is better than both of us because I would have spit in your face and laughed as you walked out of the door. Not her, though. Even at the end she accepted you for who you are – a sad, pathetic excuse of a man, partner, and father. She accepted the cheap necklace to appease you, so that maybe you would feel some semblance of peace and not eat yourself up thinking about how time is up and you can no longer become the man and father you should've been the whole time. Even as she laid on that bed dying, she gave you much more grace that you deserved. Had she known your actions after the fact, maybe she would've laughed and said, “No thanks, Darryl,” upon your feeble attempt at connection.
How does a man start so many families, bring children into this world and just discard them like he would a bag of garbage. Does your selfishness ever weigh on you when you're lying in bed at night or do you still fall asleep peacefully without a care in the world as soon as your head hits that pillow?
Your absence used to suffocate me. My younger self couldn't understand that there was nothing I could do to deserve the love and care we so badly needed from you. As I have grown, I've found that your absence was indeed a blessing. What type of people would we have grown into had your influence been involved in our development? The best gift you ever gave us was removing yourself from our lives. Regardless of the selfish nature, this was your biggest contribution to the people your children turned into.
You engulf yourself with beautiful, strong women and feed off of them like a parasite but the moment they let go and treat you as someone to be depended on, you bail. Fortunately, their strength was only stifled by you, not stolen. These women that you used for your own pleasure and tossed aside once they caught on to your game... they raised children who will never be like you or fall for men like you. This last year and a half has only illuminated what we all already knew of you, what childhood ignorance hid from us until we were experienced enough to see you for who you are.
Selfish. Lacking in the ability to truly love. Unknowing of the true joy of family. Irresponsible and spineless.
What a sad, small existence. When its your time you will leave this earth knowing that nothing you did made and impact and the lives of your children will go on unaffected.