Reliving Trauma 🤕
I had very severe panic attacks the past couple of days. It was extremely debilitating for me. It happened when I went to swim & had a man pull up 2 parking spaces from me & he was blasting an audio book out loud. It sounded like it was about a fighter pilot, celebrating kills, the euphoria of military operations & special forces completing a mission to take out an enemy. It went on for at least 4 minutes & it sounded like some government mission was being narrated from a book.
The panic it induced in me was so traumatizing that I had to call my husband & talk to him on the phone. The crying would not stop & it just kept getting worse. Reliving the trauma of being stalked & also the trauma of being attacked. All the adrenaline I felt inside of me after the bombardment on my psyche of listening to the narrator talk about killing & how it made me feel threatened again.
I cried in the locker room & a very kind woman asked if I was OK. She reached out & asked if I feel safe. I told her I never really do. Because that is the truth. It always feels like I am walking out into a hostile world instead of a peaceful one. That moment came to mind when I was driving to get on the freeway & a young man on a bike specifically gestured to me & pointed to his head like a pistol shooting. Almost to let me know that is what is going to happen to me. Like a threat.
Are those things normal for a 57-year old & a 115-lb. woman? Is that a normal thing to happen to a woman my age? Is that normal for anyone to have to go through? Man or woman? Anyone? I’m tired of it. It’s exhausting.
Once you are stalked, you never feel safe. I am tired of crying & reliving my trauma.
I am doing a 9999hz angel meditation right now. I hope it helps. It is a special love frequency.
💛💛💛