a fasting from theory
I am getting withdrawal symptoms when I fast from reading theory books.
It’s like I crave books like a drug. Theory allows me to increase power, increase control.
All the WHY and HOW books tend to sit in this category. I have to stop myself from reading them. Having been fed them for over twenty six years, it’s like I can’t live without this innocuous drug of books. Whether it is Atomic Habits (…) or About Time (…), they all seem so attractive to me. It’s like there is a inner king, hungry for power.
But what is the point of power, of knowledge, when life makes no sense? Because, life, as its called, just seems like a lot of shit. Life, as it is, looks so fucking drab.
I guess writing this blog, this bog, this slough of despond (…). this web for The Web, is a one thing (Gary K. et. al. 2013). But when things seems so meaningless, when pleasure seems to bring you nowhere (…), then not even this one thing – this blog – is enough to satisfy. It’s all flat inside. Dry.
The intellectual desert I have chosen to enter is definitely feeling really dry. I hope I can make it.
In other news, I am Home Alone (…) today. The Hive Mind can’t help but impinge on my thinking. The first thing I can think about is masturbation. Oh, how shameful. It must be my treasure, because where my treasure is, my heart is also (…). Then maybe a game of Age of The Ring (…), so I can lose myself in fantasy again, as reality is just too hard for me.
As you can tell, being very lazy today, and not putting in any of the references like I normally would.
I guess I didn’t have a sordid confession today. Oh wait, Bleach : Thousand Year Blood War sure doesn’t draw women in a respectful way. Unrealistic body proportions. My younger brother had to stop watching with me for that reason (he has more of a conscience than I do). I was leading him astray, so I should have a millstone tied around my neck and be thrown into a sea (…).
What am I really trying to do here? Spiritual exercise? Exercising humility? Exercising self-deprecation? Or exercising my insanity? I don’t have a fucking clue.