... a nobody sharing the thoughts that already existed, that are rediscovered, and which may remain ...

a thesaurus

ISHO is Jesus in the Eastern-Syriac dialect of Aramaic

Dear ISHO,

I am very obsessed with sex and girls.

Please help me become asexual. I don’t want to look at or listen to porn.

Here i am again, white-kunckling. Great, just great.

I hate you sometimes. I am biting on the hand of my Creator (…) …

Here is my compromise tonight – i will listen to an AI audio of a written story between myself and Alice

At least you would be 1% pleased with me.

I just went to look at Tara Tainton's website. I remembered Daily Disciple's (…) “Looking is Not Lusting” ... as I stared at the various poses of Tara Tainton (I had to turn off Safe Search, hai) ... I could only think “Who will take care of her in her old age, when her physical beauty fades?” ...

My dick did not harden one bit ... well, maybe a little. I did see her nipples.

Thank goodness for wholesome romance stories ... they will occupy my masturbation sessions in the future if The Girl would not marry me ... 

And why would she marry me? If she read this blog (and I will tell her about this blog, i will NOT FUCKING HIDE ANYTHING FROM HER! I WANT REAL TRUST, NO HIDING AND HURTING HER LATER BY HIDING MY FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING sin) ...

Nah, she won't marry a dipshit. Even if that dipshit is FUCKING HONEST ONE. Even if this dipshit is the most honest man she would ever meet.

But the vow has been made. It is better to not vow (...). But I have made it. The pact is tight, the secret is out for all to see on The Web (...). 

If I don't marry The Girl, I vow I will not marry anyone. I will die a fucking virgin, like all the poor Lost Boys (...) of the past who could never be with a woman due to all the fucking, powerful men like King Solomon who couldn't get enough of their own FUCKING EGO! 

I have spoken (...). 

If I love my oldself, I will never let her go. The past me who loved her and did everything in his strength to impress and please her. Who confessed, not only his feelings, but his sins. I will never forget, after only two weeks of chatting, my admission that I was addicted to porn for more than a FUCKING DECADE. IT'S MORE THAN MOST FUCKING HUSBANDS OUT THERE! AT LEAST I WAS FUCKING TRANSPARENT!

... i didn't want to hurt her ... i didn't want to hurt her ... that is why i will NEVER let go of her ... even if I see her walk down the aisle to another man ... i will make this world a better place for her ... from afar ... but keep out of sight because it will FUCKING HURT if i ever see her walking around with her husband WHO ISN'T ME and her children ... 

Let me be like Estella (Charles Dickens et. al. ????). Die a virgin, always wishing to get married ... but it never happening ... thanks for painting the future for me Charles ... i like dat ... 

If I want God to be proven to people, TO GIVE THEM FUCKING PROOF BECAUSE THEY DON'T ACTUALLY BELIEVE THE FUCKING BEING ABOVE ALL BEINGS – ERU++, THE SON, RA++, ICHIGO++ – then I will let God – ISHO – turn my life – a life – what God has given God can take away (...) – into a REAL fairytale. I will play The Beast (Disney et. al. ????) , The Girl will play Belle/Beauty. 

Writing is my fucking heroin. Spiritual heroin. I will NEVER TOUCH THAT SHIT STUFF THAT WILL FUCK UP THE TEMPLE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT! I will NOT appear before JESUS in shame. NEVER!

Please make me asexual like you are. PLEASE!

Cheers,

a anobody

P.S. i have broken three FAKE rules (They are not REAL rules, like my shrink called Peter says) (1) start and end each sentence with … because ISHO is the beginning and the end, the Alpha and Omega (2) i did not even try to fill in the references except add ???? because i was too fucking lazy to look them up (3) i posted this at ~1:00 AM in the morning … i should only go from 09-11 AM … in remembrance of the September 11 attacks …) (4) didn’t correct me spelling mistakes …

… too many fucking rules, eh? …

… i guess i really wanted to post this since i was ready to go see The Judge | ISHO … and ask The Judge | ISHO to just obliterate me … cuz HOW DARE YOU LET CHILD SEX ABUSERS TO RUN AROUND! SEND LIGHTNING TO KILL EVERYONE OF THEM! THEY DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE! I DON’T FUCKING CARE WHETHER THEY ARE MADE IN GOD’S IMAGE (…) …

… ex-Christians make for angry atheists … i don’t know what i am … but i am like in The Middle (…) …