re-crystaliz-zing
In the last three days (Day 211-213 since rebirth) after I think I found a tiny rock to stand on. To finally stop doubting myself by 1% less. Doubt was at 99%, now it’s at 98%? Or maybe trust is at 98%? I don’t know.
Is this wat dey mean about finding self-esteem? It’s like I have found self-esteem again (Alec Benjamin et. al. 2022).
I installed “Sex Keeper” two installed ago. I did it while lying on my bed so no one can see me. I nearly added a pastor’s name to my “sex partner” list! The shivers. The shame. I nearly died inside. I had better delete my entire contact list asap!
I just had my mum hand me the mouth spray and lube I bought … my metaphorical face couldn’t be redder. If it weren’t for Jesus, I would like to lop my metaphorical head off.
I just remembered that a lady that I found so beautiful at the age of roughly six. I thought I was lusting after her. I remember cuddling up next to my Mum, crying to her that I broke the sixth commandment. It sent me into a coma lol.
a few days later after writing the above shit …
Just going to post this up in case I die tonight and get to kiss Death’s lips. Making love to Lady Death is a jam.
I am fuckin’ nuts.
And speaking of nuts, practicing holy masturbation today. Had one stray thought that needs to go into the toilet that is the web. That I will give birth to many Little Demon(s) (Disney+ et. al. 2022) with Lady Death.
There we go. I have unearthed a Tyrannous Rex (Yes, I know I misspelt it, I am a dumbass) like a bad palaeontologist. Then buried it here … kinda. Bringing the dinosaurs back is a bad idea, right (Universal Pictures et. al. 2018)? I can always come back to remember these dinosaurs, these demons, that are better extinct. If I am still alive, that is.
Imma die tonight? I hope The King will send a fucking lightning bolt down and incinerate me (Luke et. al. +75).
I am not trying to make a cult following. I fucking hate cults. They enslave. They kill. They destroy. They abuse. They should all go to Hades, where they belong. I am just writing to all you nobodies out there. Cuz I am a nobody too. Let’s be nobodies together. We ghosts got to stick together.
I don’t want yo money. I don’t want to appear in your fucking full emails. I just hope that I can do something here simple that anyone – especially madman like me – can do. Just having One Thing (OneRepublic et. al. 2011). This is for those who are drowning like me. Drowning in the sea of high expectations. Suffocating. Let’s rise out of the sea like fish and evolve into man once again. I feel like a little mermaid, at the moment. It was a favourite of mine as a young’un, and I am a dude btw.
Please, The King, come back. Let The Return of The King (Jesus) (J. R. R. Tolkien et. al. 1954) be true. If you send me down to Hades (or worse, Hell), then I know I deserve it. Just remember me, please.
Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” (Saint Luke SkyWalker et. al. +75)
… I can just keep going … I will stop now … it’s 8:26 after all … time to hit a sack. a coffin. a bed. It’s like I am addicted to this confession thing. Hold the horses, I am addicted to confession. So good, so bad. it’s both.
I hope u people (I nearly wrote guys, how sexist of me!) will rest well. It’s Shabbat soon. Be good for you (Selena G. et. al. 2015) and for me.
… bye guys (sexist!) … wish me death tonight …