... a nobody sharing the thoughts that already existed, that are rediscovered, and which may remain ...

The Sacred Wait

The title is a derivation from a book “The Sacred Search” that my sister had given me a few years ago. I found myself leafing through it frantically last year when I finally got to texting (and some talking) to my first (and last) crush.

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. (Moses)

If Adam got Eve brought to him, I pray that I will be like him. They call Jesus the Second Adam. I will be a Third Adam, in that case.

I have sought out a girl once already. Once is enough. The pain is enough. I am no masochist. I Kissed Dating Goodbye on the 12th of March 2022, the day my first (and last) crush let me down slowly into the arms of God. The next day, I lay on my bed, the most depressed I have ever been, and opened my arms to the heavens like a needy child and said “help”.

So, going back to the Third Adam idea. I will wait for my first crush to reach out again.

That’s two conditions. (1) She comes to me (2) She must be my one and only crush.

This is a piece of my perfection.

Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matthew)

Let us see how this drama will play out? Will true love just fall into my lap?

“Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for? Gimli (Lord of the Rings)”

It’s my funeral, after all.

Just wait it for peeps. I will come bawling my eyes and screaming suicide on here when I become one of those 40 year-old virgins. Then I will do everything I can to have spiritual progeny instead of physical progeny.

With Augustine of Hippo, Thomas Merton, Henri J. M. Nouwen, Corrie Ten Boom, and the like.

I hope that, if this all goes south, I will ask to have another existence. This is a dangerous experiment using my existence with God.

I have waited since the 13th of March 2022. I will continue this sacred wait as I pour all my heart, soul, and mind into my art project, which is currently my main gig.

It is easier said than done. A piece of the key is to chip at these gigantic dreams day-by-day. As many as The Nameless One will give.