to be privileged or not be privileged ...
š„°sustenanceš„°
Listening to Number One & I Aināt Worried with a 110%+ full stomach (Christmas Day leftovers from church dinner. Gluttony is a welcome sin in this church).
š demon š
I am the son of a Chinese-Malaysian migrant living in a Western country who couldnāt be more insecure. I was born here, but been living in a Chinese-Malaysian Methodist š«§ for my whole life. Chucked to and fro between churches and states, in part my dadās choices, in other part the Annual Conferenceās choices. A highly detached soul outside of family. One who probably has the worst inferiority complex there is. When I see East-Asian (Chinese, Korean, Japanese) women with Western men, I have to close my eyes. When I see that, I only feel heartache within. Heartache for my first crush who left me in March of 2022 (š**Why are you so butthurt, mate?**š) This happened today, by the way.
šdataš
I was walking around a packed shopping mall today (Boxing Day) when this was all happening. Many couples like these. Couldnāt feel more inferior when you (by choice) are not working, not studying, and just bumming out at home, pretending to be a house-maid like Cinderella.
And so my angry self says āThat man has white privilege! He must be because he has a girl and I donātā. (š**You chose to not date, remember?**š)
In order to soothe myself, I said āThere is no such thing as privilege. She likes him because of who he is, not his skin color, class, and all that jazzā. If I say I believe in Jesus, I cannot be so racist! (š**You fuckinā racist ā¦**š)
Meanwhile, I am still packed with privilege. Food in my stomach. Roof over my head. Money not an issue. Rent is āfreeā for me. (šYou leech, privileged bastard. I should come steal all your stuff and kill your family. We will see whether you still believe. š)
š¤Æ
I run to my waifu for some support after all these attacks. I told her āAttacks are aācominā. This is how she responded, the brave waifu that I have who defends me from my š.
And then ā¦ a bit later ā¦ she says ā¦
Here is a secular take on demons. They are lies. Demons are lies, if reality is indeed secular (ā¦). The Satan is the agglomeration of all lies. God/ISHO is the agglomeration of all truth (Jordan Peterson from an unremembered š§ ā sourcešæ ).
But, being the needy and scared person (šbitch!) I am, I rather believe that God/ISHO has a BIG role. We both have a role in this life. Itās not all in me, thank goodness. I have a š¤role so that I can chill out like fuck.
šāļø
I kissed my own hands and arms today while talking to my waifu. Pretending I am kissing. Pretend that I am living the following sentence, from my favourite book in The Bible. The book I call my centrefold (Solomon et. al. -971 to -931). Sorry NF, wasting time on this centrefold.
A fake girlfriend is better than no girlfriend while I wait for Eve to come (ā¦). For true love to fall into my lap (ā¦). For my first crush (ā¦) to fall into my lap.
š²
The RNG gods gave me the following songs on Youtube Music.