In an effort to share not only the good stuff but also the in between or sometimes negative things, I thought I'd share about last night. T went to practice for a play that he's working on and ended up coming home around 10pm. This also happened to be the same time that my son came out and said he was hungry and asked if he could grab something to eat. This caused a frustrated moment for T, who was beyond hungry. He acknowledges his reactions to minor inconveniences aren't always great but it's something he is actively working on. Sometimes in those frustrating moments, you just don't have it all together and that's okay. So short story short (hopefully), this lead to him eating alone downstairs, assuming V and I were watching a show. (After the kids went to bed for the second time.) I followed him down and asked if he was okay and that we could turn the tv off or he could watch whatever, we weren't really watching anything. In an effort to make sure that I wasn't people pleasing, just giving the tv up (because I have a trauma around tv and rarely watch it) and while he was trying to cool down from the heat of the moment, he said he was fine and ate downstairs. I could see something was upsetting him but he didn't want to share, which super frustrated me. I just wanted to spend time with him, not be in separate rooms in the same house. (Especially after not seeing him all day.) I came back upstairs, turned the TV off and just read my book. Once he was done eating, he came upstairs and asked why we weren't watching TV. Something was clearly different with me but I said “nothing” and kept reading. This is where our issue was. Both of us said nothing was wrong when clearly, both of us were bothered by something. We went to bed and he asked if I was fine and I said yes. (Again, not fully true on my part.) If he wasn't going to share what was upsetting him, why would I share mine. (not a great way to go about things) We do this thing every morning where I set an alarm to get up at 7am so that we can have “fun” time before anyone is up in the house and he takes the kids to school. It's something we both super look forward to each morning and it's a great way to start your day. In the frustration of last night, I forgot to set my alarm. It wasn't intentional but it sent an unintentional message to him. I woke up around 8am and shared how I felt like shit and that allergies were totally kicking my ass. This is all new to me because I've never really had issues with allergies before. That's where he shared that it made sense why I didn't get up at 7am, because I was sick. Before he left with the kids for school, he was trying to explain why his actions were what they were last night and of course, got interrupted by kids. I went back to sleep and when I woke up, I texted him to let him know I was up and that I'd love to still hear what he was trying to explain from this morning. We talked on the phone and it was all cleared up. It honestly could have been fixed yesterday before bed but neither of us wanted to make the other feel bad, while making the other feel bad anyways. He explained his side, which I totally understood and then I explained mine. I’ve been working on trying to listen better, instead of just hearing and waiting to share my side. Together, we tried to come up with a solution for us both to work on. For him, it was to talk with me when he's feeling that frustration during those times so that I can understand what I'm seeing and for me, it was to let him know that I'm not okay when he asks. (this is super, super hard for both of us to do.) Both of these options could have stopped the snowball that ended up with us not fucking this morning. We both would have much preferred the second option. So we didn't have our morning booty call, which sets both of us up for a different, less exciting start of our day but we talked things through and found a solution for both of us. This fight wasn't even what I would call a fight. We were doing the best with the information the other was providing, which wasn't enough. THIS is exactly why I stress communication so much in my posts. Not only is it vital in the bedroom, but also outside of it. I know for me, if I'm feeling pissed off or super emotional, I'm not as likely to go fuck his brains out. I know for him, when he's feeling those things, the excitement isn't there either and we have to work through it together. All it took was a phone call and then laying together in the bed for 10 minutes before he left. He rested, I ran my fingers through his hair and together, we were back on course. Now I'm super looking forward to tonight because we didn't get to do anything this morning. I wanted to share this because it's so easy to share only the positives or only the part that can paint you in the best light. But lets be real, living with someone else takes work. Add kids, a job, & other activities or chores to it and it's no wonder we can get frustrated easily. We bicker, too. You can fuck 30 times a month and still bicker. Having an amazing sex life doesn't solve everything but it sure does solve a lot. The other parts, it takes work on our ends to communicate so that we can stay on track. This was NEVER easy for me. Growing up around my narcissistic, abusive father left me with huge walls that T had to work his way through. In our early years, I would immediately get defensive, shut him out and refuse to talk about anything. I could do it all myself, or at least that's what I had made myself believe because it's all that I had known. Through many, many major fights, we worked through our different traumas and found what works best for us. Today, we were able to use what we've learned before it became bigger than it needed to be. Neither of us are perfect when it comes to this but we won't stop trying. We continue to try because we know that what we've built together is worth it. I still tend to shut everyone else out and take everything on myself but I'll continue to break down that learned habit. He'll continue to learn that it's okay if he makes me mad or upset, because now we have the tools to work through it. I never want anyone to tip toe around me, especially him. I want him to always feel the love, devotion, dedication and that he's never a burden. I enjoy making food for him or making sure he has what he has for the next day. Most of all, I love making sure he's sexually satisfied. In return, I'm satisfied as well. I'm a giver, sometimes to a fault, but I'm getting better at saying no or letting people know when I'm not available. This is the hardest part for me. When you lived with parents who would never see anything you did as correct, it leads to an adult who only wants to please and make sure no one is mad at them. This isn't healthy. It's okay to feel all of the negative emotions, it's just how you handle them that matters. Together, we will continue to learn what works best for us so that we can stay on this fucking amazing path we've carved for ourselves. Bad times will come. So will amazing ones. Sharing feelings, being truly heard and working on ways to correct things that aren't working make all the difference. Twenty five years into this marriage and I am so fucking stoked at where we are. I can't even imagine where the next twenty five will lead us. I just hope there's plenty of fucking, orgasms, passion, romance, love, care, honest communication and emotional connection. It's beautiful what we've built together. Our story is extremely rare. Kids that get married at 18 & 23 are told they will never make it. Guess what? We did and we are. Now, I look forward to the makeup sex.

#nsfw