I've been working on a lot of healing aspects lately and sometimes it's just exhausting. I know the work will pay off in the long run but the current level of effort that it takes to acknowledge these things can leave you drained. (and not in the fun way. ;)) When I sit back and look at things that I'm doing now, realizing that my life is probably half way over, and I'm just now getting to the “meaty” parts of life. Only now, in my early 40's, am I leaning into who I am as a woman, wife, mother, etc. I'm definitely not complaining because I'm just happy to be where I am right now. What's the best part of this era of my life? Hands down, it's allllll of the extraordinary sex/orgasms. When I was about to turn 40, plenty of people told me how I just wouldn't give a fuck anymore. Were people being rude or frustrating? Fuck it. Did you have a bad day? Fuck it. The 40's were supposed to be my FUCK IT decade. Instead, it's my fuck all the time decade. Sex used to feel like a chore, cum used to gross me out and I would wear myself out throughout the day pleasing everyone that I had little to no time to do anything for myself or my husband. I think all of this this started when I began reading smut books and shyly asking my husband if he would want to try some of the things that I was reading about. The idea of being tied up, choked, chased, bitten, spanked, fucked relentlessly and orgasming until you see stars are no longer words on a page. Instead, we are living them. The nasty words that these characters on the pages would say to each other would make my jaw drop and I could only wish I was that confident or that I could even think of those words to begin with. I've always been shy for as long as I can remember. Now, the nasty ass words that come out of my mouth shock my husband. I know this because I feel his dick twitch in the back of my throat, he fucks me harder and he comes multiple times per day. We are living the dream. Our dream. Last night, as we were laying in bed next to each other, we started to think of questions we could ask each other. These ranged from wild circumstances (like winning the lottery and what you would do with the winnings) or to steamy sex questions. The problem we run into when it comes these sex questions is that we've done most of the things or that we know each other well enough to already know the answer. We have done some really wild ass shit during our time together. It started when we fucked for the first time, after less than 2 weeks of dating. Then it lead to him giving me my first orgasm and we just couldn't get enough. It was about learning each others bodies and what made us tick. I know the spots to get him just right and he knows exactly how to use mine. We have fucked in public, had more than one threesome, filmed ourselves, send naughty photos, given the other an orgasm while sitting at a table with our friends while playing a game, fucked in a cemetery, fucked in other peoples beds, fucked in almost every rental car we've had, fucked in a hot tub on the side of a mountain at night, fucked at the top of the most photographed spot of the Appalachian Trail at night, during a thunderstorm and more. I can't remember it all but I am always, always up for creating more fun memories. The best part is how I look forward to being with near him. I truly miss him when he's at work or hanging with friends. We can sit on the couch and just exist together, even if we aren't doing the same thing. We can take a walk and really enjoy being in each others presence. I think that is super important. Most importantly, I crave him. Of course I crave his touch, the feel of his hands on my body and the way his voice sounds. But since 2023, I crave the pleasure I get from seeing/hearing him orgasm. I crave the way his cum tastes. Literally, I can't get enough of it. That is the only thing that I get super territorial about when it comes to him. I will not share it. It's all mine. I crave the first feeling when he slides his cock inside of me or when he takes his first taste of my pussy. I crave the way he brings out the slut in me. Proudly Even after just over 25 years of being together, I'll never get tired of him. We have definitely hit rough patches. Nothing is ever perfect and if anyone ever portrays it like that, they are definitely lying. The lifestyle we have co-created has taken hard work, dedication and tears of frustration. There was a blip in our story in 2013 where we almost called it quits. Instead, we doubled down and never looked back. As hard as that time was, we are both so grateful for it. That taught us how to respect one another, truly see one another and to not take each other for granted. As we get stronger in our dynamic, and I get more comfortable in my skin, I look forward to exploring more. I want to try sex clubs, I want to watch people, I want to be watched, I want to post our sex videos online, I want to see him fuck another girl and I want to check off all the boxes we haven't even thought of yet. I want to explore everything that we can do together because it's fun. Sex is so fun. I do remember before 2023 when anything sex related felt like a hassle and the fights we would have. It was literally so exhausting. That is the part that I miss the absolute least. For us, Free Use works best. I never mind being on tap and he never has to feel guilty for wanting it. Win/Win. That is just one of the examples of one of the things we have discovered that has worked for us. We have also tried some things that didn't work out so great but instead of letting it get us down, it was fun to try and onto the next thing. I hope we always have this lust for each other. It's primal. It's beautiful. It's ours. Everyone's story is different. For some, being more vanilla works. For some, extreme kink works. I think the best part is exploring to see where you fall in that spectrum of sex. The best part is that there is no wrong direction. As long as you have consent and you're having fun, fucking go for it. Life is too short for a shitty sex life.