So before I get balls deep into this post, I hope people can read this judgement free. I fully understand that people/couples are in all sorts of different stages during their relationships. The topic I’m about to cover is porn and how it has changed our relationship.
I understand there is a lot of negative feelings when it comes to porn in America. I grew up thinking it was the Devil and a true sin. People have many different views when it comes to porn based on their own life experiences.
This is just ours.
When I was growing up, I was such a nosy kid. I wanted to know how much every bill was, I would search the house for hidden Christmas presents so naturally, I found my parents porn stash. As a teen, who spent too many years going to church, I didn’t understand truly what I was seeing. My abusive and narcissistic father made sure my sister and I didn’t understand anything. We were so naive and this worked perfectly for him. He was able to molest my sister without fear of being discovered and we never questioned anything.
Questioning meant we weren’t faithful.
We would just be a disappointment to Jesus and everything we represented. This was told to us by the same man who was molesting multiple children from 6 years on. To say I have a fucked up childhood is putting it very mildly.
With this being my first foray into porn and anything sexual, it left me confused. I didn’t dare talk to anyone about what I saw. My dad had porn of men together, which super confused me, based on what I was taught at church. I never tried masturbating growing up and didn’t dare look at my changing body in any way that might mean I was actually a woman. My mind just didn’t go there because I didn’t know that I could.
I was naive as fuck.
So when I met my future husband, I was 18 and he was 23. When we first started dating, i had only been with 1 other guy, which was not a great experience for me. Technically it was consensual but in all fairness, I didn’t know what I was agreeing to. My husband had much more experience than me but had been working on getting over having his heart trampled on by multiple bitches. He stood up to said past boyfriend and made sure to protect me from him. This past guy wouldn’t stop calling or accept that I just didn’t want anything to do with him. I had given him blow jobs, which was something that I did fully understand and consent to, but we had only fucked once, in a really shitty hotel. He tried sending me money and pulling out all of the stops to stay but thankfully, my future husband talked to him when he called me for the last time and told him his time was up. I had moved on. I guess hearing it from another man really got the point through, finally.
It’s really scary for me to go back and wonder the “what ifs” about that situation. What if I wanted to break things off and didn’t have a man to stand up to him and make sure he understood I meant no? Would I have just stayed and lived a miserable life with a guy who really didn’t give a fuck about me? I was just a check on a list for him and I’m just thankful my husband was there for me at the right time.
When my husband and I met, I was instantly attracted to him. I’ve always preferred men that aren’t white. I had a white boyfriend and I absolutely hated it. Aside from kissing, I refused to let him do anything else. White guys just don’t do it for me. In my subconscious, I think they maybe reminded me of my father. My husband has beautiful deep olive skin that turns me the fuck on. Just a touch and I’m on fire for him.
Our attraction was instant.
Even though I had a really shitty first sex experience (that I would come to terms with years later), I wanted him. I craved his voice, his touch and I really wanted his cock. Within a few days, we were fucking. To most, this would seem incredibly soon but I didn’t care. Even at just 18, I knew he was “the one” for me. My friends thought I was fucking crazy and I didn’t give a fuck. Giving him orgasms, being fucked and then getting my first orgasm ever … I was fucking hooked in more ways than one. Not only did we have the sexual compatibility, but we also connected emotionally.
We were engaged in two weeks.
Six months later, we were married.
Many people who hear our story think we’re nuts, and plenty of people told me I was making a mistake at the time.
I didn’t care.
This man was mine and I was his.
We’ve now been married for 25 years.
So FUCK all of the haters.
Life is too short and you just have to do what works for you and brings your happiness.
Of course we had some issues in the early years. We were not only learning how to live together, but I was also learning how to be an adult for the first time in my life. I no longer had this domineering male figure who told me what to do at all times. Honestly, I didn’t know who I was, aside from knowing I love this man with all of my heart.
One of our first few challenges related to porn. As a single dude, of course he used porn. In many relationships, this is place of contention. Many guys hide it, many women freak out and together – no conversations happen.
We easily fell into this pit.
He would hide porn and I would feel not pretty enough or I would compare myself to the women in these videos. We would fuck and then a few hours later, I would catch him using porn. Now, I realize he has a high sex drive but at the time, it just felt super deceiving. Let it be said, I also didn’t foster a safe place for him to talk about it, let alone explore it together.
We would have many fights over the years in regards to porn and sex. Most of the fights between couples tend to revolve around money and sex. With him having a much higher drive than me, I felt awful about myself, on top of learning that it was not only okay, but natural, to desire sex and want to please. These were all things that were extremely frowned upon or never talked about while I was growing up.
I was so sexually immature.
Even though he has more partners, he was immature when it came down to figuring out how to make relationships work during hard times, due to his tough childhood and the things he saw his parents do to each other.
We continued to work on it together and found our rhythm when it came to sex and porn. Sometimes it didn’t bother me and other times I would be so angry. He harbored intense shame for watching and I super judged him for hiding it.
It’s odd to say but only in the last 3 or so years ago did I really come around. There were times where I had zero sex drive and we would go a month only doing things together once or twice. This is absolutely torturous for someone with a high sex drive. ( Later on when my sex drive revved up and stayed incredibly high, I full understood this intense level of want.)
I’m not sure what exactly switched inside of me but it just didn’t bother me. I saw porn for what it was , bodies fucking and these actors earning a paycheck.
Was it exciting?
Absolutely.
Did I crave it?
No.
Did we use it together?
Occasionally.
How can you not get aroused by seeing what we were designed to do? Porn also sort of feels like something you aren’t allowed to see. Like you’re getting a secret, behind the scenes view of people’s intimate moments.
Of course it’s fucking hot.
Porn also offers something for everyone. It’s what it’s designed to do.
When we started using it together, things really changed for us. We could both get turned on by what we saw, what we wanted to watch and it brought a new level to our relationship.
It was no longer this taboo thing.
Instead, it was something we chose to do together.
At first, my husband was shy to show me what he was into when he searched, what turned him on and what I might think of the videos he chose. For me, it was exciting to see this “hidden” side that most people don’t get to see. Imagine sitting next to your spouse, just browsing porn together and trying not to feel nervous or judged. It’s not so easy, especially when you have a past with it that involved shame. Plus, there were past partners who said they were okay with porn who ultimately weren’t.
For us, we use it whenever we want to. Recently, he was fucking me the hounds way and put the phone on my back and just ravaged me in the best of ways. My husband loves sound and visuals. For this, he had the visual but the sounds were turned down. Instead, he watched couples fucking and heard my moans.
It was such a fucking turn on for both of us.
We have had porn cast to our tv and we both watch it while he ruthlessly drives into me.
I looooooove it.
For me, it’s exciting to see what turns him on, for him to freely watch without fear and shame, and to just be us together.
Does he have to ask me to watch it solo?
Never.
Do I require him to show me what he’s watched?
Fuck no.
We have this understanding that porn is just what it is.
A bonus.
Please, use it freely.
For us, porn is an addition, not a hidden issue that causes fights.
He still struggles with the instant fear but we’re working on it. Lifetime habits take time to break down. Although porn doesn’t bother me, it’s something I truly enjoy with him, I also understand he’s spent years before me hiding/feeling ashamed with other partners. Although I don’t carry a lot of baggage from past partners (because that’s a whole one person) but I realize he does. I’m patient enough to go at his speed with it. We’ve found ways to work on combating these past fears and changing them into a place of peace. I offer him a safe place to be judgement free.
In return, we opened a next level of our sex life (and him being able to be free) and for us, it’s really fucking fun.
The really cool part about porn is that you can literally search anything. If your likes change, there’s a new category for that. We get to explore things we might not have known existed or I have even picked up new techniques for blowjobs and sex that I’ve seen. (Reddit is also a great place to pick up new techniques. There is a subreddit for everything)
Although I started off very naive to the world, relationships and everything sex related, I’m now a full time submissive cum slut who gets off on pleasing my husband multiple times a day.
Because we are both free use, if we say we want something, we get it.
There is no daily limit for the amount of times I’ll please him and it’s the same for me.
He’s not shamed for masturbating either. Send me a picture or a video so I can get off on it. I think it’s hot as fuck to watch him please himself.
Now that we both have insanely high sex drives, we love to wear each other out in all of the best ways.
We are always ready to explore or try something new together.
If my pussy is too sore from the night before, I always have my ass, my talented mouth or my hand. Fuck it, fuck my titties. Just let me have your cum.
Either way, my man is going to stay drained, which keeps me full. (in more ways that one.)
There won’t be a day I don’t crave his taste, his touch, his body or the way he drives me fucking wild.
Somehow, twenty five years in, we fuck better than we did in our 20s and I’m totally here for it.
If he comes home from a bad day at work, I’m ready on my knees ready to suck him dry. If he gets horny in the middle of the night, wake me up and take advantage of my body.
I want that.
I crave that.
It’s amazing to see just how much progress we’ve made as a couple. From our early years as such babies learning the world together, to this sexual confident couple who flames the fire of the other, I am fucking proud of where we are and what we’ve been through.
I would do it all again in a second if it meant we would be here again.
He’s always worth it.
I’ve always been worth it but I’m learning to see it. It’s still a work in progress as I untangle my trauma and truly learn who I am.
One thing will never change.
I will always be ready for him at any moment.
( He reads each entry I post so: Hey you sexy mother fucker. I love the fuck out of you.)
He will also leave me shaking and mumbling incoherent words after making me orgasm so hard I see black.
THANK YOUUUUUUUUU
Together, we just match.
I’m so grateful we found each other so early.
Every moment, good and bad, has created this unstoppable, ever evolving force.
Together, we shine.
Together, we grow.
Together, we deliver unending pleasure.
We choose each other every day, and add in a few bonuses here and there. 😉