This is the first Father's Day since going no contact with my own “father” and I honestly thought it would have been way worse than it has been. I thought I would be overcome with emotions and feeling sad over the fact that he isn't a phone call away. Maybe I would think of a positive memory and smile a little. Then I remember that I barely have any positive memories from my childhood, let alone with my “father”.
My son spent some time in the hospital this weekend so we are actually going to celebrate my husband's Father's Day next weekend instead. I did send text to my friends who are Fathers and then went on with my day.
It's honestly quite nice to not be worrying or stressing out on this holiday. Before, I would wrack my brain with how I could say “I Love You” to my “dad” properly, while also not being completely fake. Being true to myself has always been a high priority for me, even at my lowest. This year, I didn't have that unnecessary stress and it's so fucking nice.
For my husband, even though we are celebrating later, I still wanted him to feel special. We were headed out to run errands kid free so I sent him a text if he wanted to drive my car instead. My car has dark tinted windows and I really wanted to surprise him with a public blow job. Not only is the threat of being caught kind of fun (okay, really fun!) but having the ability to do it wherever you want is really fun! Plus there is no clean up with swallowing. We picked a parking lot and got to it. It had been two days for us because of the hospital trip, so I was dyiiiiiiiing to go. We would have fucked each other senseless last night but I was beyond exhausted from trying to sleep in a hospital room.
This blow job was Chefs Kiss.
I missed the feel of him, the taste of him and just being that close. We snuggled yesterday in bed, which was really fucking great, but I needed more. I missed our sexual connection and I really pride myself on making sure he's pleased as often as possible. In return, it gives me the most pleasure.
After we were done, we finished our errands and were heading home. I suggested that maybe we should pick a new location every month until we've hit all of the parking lots. Hah! Not only would it give us something to look forward to but it would force us to be a little more creative (and risky) by making sure it's a place we haven't before.
Besides, it's always fun passing a location were you've done stuff in public before.
Some of my favorite public locations were some I've mentioned before like part of the AT: McAfee's Knob, Fort Monroe, VA Beach, of course our cars, cars we've rented but also along the parkway or in locations where you can't easily been seen but you can see them.
We've also gone super risky.
We used to do card shows at the mall and they would set up those long tables with a table cloth for you to place your products on. We got super frisky and I totally sucked his dick in the middle of the busy mall, under that table where anyone could have just lifted it up and seen us.
10/10, would do again.
Public displays don't really bother me but I also want to make sure to be respectful so that people aren't forced to see anything they might not want to. It's still about consent.
So now I have new locations to scope out and I'm super fucking excited about it. I still have dreams of heading to a sex dungeon/club and doing it out in the open. I also want to eventually add someone else so he can choose where he wants to release himself. In the end, I'm going after it because it's mine. I don't care where it lands.
There used to be a time where sex, or anything sexual, barely crossed my mind. I could go days without even one thought about it. I still don't know what changed, and don't really care to figure it out, but I absolutely love the way my brain works now.
I literally think about fucking him constantly.
Like a fucking addiction.
During our anniversary weekend, I tried to tell him every time I thought about him in a nasty way and he was shocked. It's literally every other minute. Of course when I get closer to my cycle, it dies down for a little but as soon as it's over, it's time to catch up for time lost.
I'm glad our “languages” work together.
He wants it constantly and I fucking love giving all the time. It really couldn't be better than this.
I'm grateful for all of the things we've been through because I really feel it lead us to this sweet spot that we're in.
Right now, we are both working on getting ourselves in better physical shape. We've been working on the mental side of it for about a year and the changes are apparent. Now, we are adding in the physical aspect because I still super have hang ups about myself. I know he doesn't view me as negatively as I view myself but that doesn't help me feel any better. I do know that when we are working out and putting in constant effort to get in peak shape, it really revs my drive up even more. When I feel better about my reflection, all of my reservations fly out the window and I am ready for anything.
I have a solo boudoir session this December, and although I know I wont be in the best shape I could be, working on myself now will help me feel my best for then. We also have a couples boudoir session in NYC to celebrate out 25th wedding anniversary next year. That's the session I'm super planning for. That gives us time to get in shape, toned and fucking sexy as hell.
I originally scheduled my solo one for AFTER our couples one as a birthday surprise for him but it both got pushed because of all of the drama with my parents. Now I'm going first, by myself. I've come to terms with that and instead of dreading it, I know how absolutely fucking powerful that I'll feel after. The photographer that I chose is one of my favorites, one that I looked up to when I was a boudoir photographer myself. It was my goal to get a session from her at some point in my life and now it's going to happen this December!
I can't wait to share the photos!
Cheers to Father's Day, great orgasms, and swallowing so you don't have more kids next year. hahahhah