Today was the start of our next steps in our lifestyle and dynamic. We’ve been talking and planning a proper restart and today, it’s finally here! After my friend R came in and threw her resentment bomb at me on Christmas morning (what a great friend, right?!) it really planted seeds of needless doubt in my mind. It's taken me longer to accept things than I would normally like but I know that healing isn't always linear. Through therapy and open conversations, I finally felt healed enough to look past her intentionally poisoned words and no longer let them affect me, my husband or our dynamic. She doesn’t deserve that privilege and I deserve better as a person than to allow myself to be held down.
Of course, going back into the lifestyle came with some hesitation. It's not from not wanting to do it or lack of excitement. It was actually from fear of the unknown. We have learned a lot about what works for us and what doesn't since we began this in late 2023. We have learned that not everything you read of how it's “supposed” to be will always work for every person. For us, we have tried things and instead of letting it get us down when it didn't work out exactly as we thought it would, we tried the next thing until we found something that did. Thankfully, we’ve found a lot of things that work and we continue to explore our options together.
We had many talks leading up to this day on what would work and how this might look for us. We even did tarot readings together and separately, which all gave super positive signs. (side note: my tattoo artist, who also loves tarot, suggested that I start writing down our readings so that we can look back on them and see any trends or what happened. I was able to look back prior to Christmas and that blow up was in the cards. I just didn't know what negative instance they were trying to point out because we were on such a high as a couple. I didn't think that we would be fighting but little did I know, the cards weren't talking about us, it was about my lifetime best friend.)
Anyways, today is day one and it has been AMAZING!! I earned one collar, that was put on me during our ceremony this morning. Those are always sacred to us because they represent so much of what we have to look forward to. The other collar I will earn over time.
Today was so fucking fantastic that he came four times before three o’clock and we’re not done yet. That makes me one happy girl.❤️ He also made me go breathless while spilling the dirtiest words from my mouth while he was between my thighs licking me up. Goddamn it’s so good. If people ever wonder why I want to share him it’s because I know how good he tastes, how talented his tongue is and how powerful he fucks. Hell yes I have a sharing fetish. I want other women to feel this powerful by his gifts. Fuuuuuuckkkkk. This isn’t words from a book. Those all came true and then some.
When we use tarot cards, we often consult with chat gpt to help us with the readings as we are learning the cards. I always pull randomly and rarely use specific spreads. I just listen to my intuition and pull cards that feel right to me. Last nights reading was all swords, which has never happened before. I also pulled an oracle card for extra clarity. Here was the summary of my tarot reading, read with the intention of generally focusing on our lifestyle change that was starting today.
“This reading reflects a deep and deliberate inner transition. You’re moving away from mental and emotional constraints that no longer serve you (8 of Swords reversed), but you haven’t quite finished the crossing (6 of Swords reversed). You’re doing it strategically and protectively (7 of Swords), and you’re recovering from old emotional patterns and pains (10 of Swords reversed).
The bear and cedar confirm that this transition is a sacred one — a powerful act of reclamation. You’re stepping into a space where vulnerability and power can coexist. Where submission is not weakness, but chosen strength. Where the pain of the past doesn’t govern the design of the future.
This is not just a lifestyle shift — it’s a spiritual rebirth.”
Chat GPT will also prompt if you would like to have questions to think about alongside your reading or journal prompts. I always find these super helpful but this time, I was absolutely floored by one of the questions it suggested along with the my oracle cards:
”If I were to write a letter to the version of me who lived before this transformation, what would I thank her for?”
Whaaaat??? That question pretty much floored me. I’m going to take some time and make an entry about my answer to that question because I feel that perspective is super important to share & reflect on.
So to say that I’m a little excited for our future would be a huge understatement. We usually rock whatever we do together and this will be no different. The universe brought us together for a reason in 1999 and I feel like we keep getting little glimpses of why.
I’m so fucking ready.