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How Are You?(Why Not: Who Are You?)

I feel the need to write about what is happening inside. What is currently being examined, dismantled and rebuilt as a concept in my mind is most important to get out, while it’s still fresh to human experience. If people only shared things they've mastered, I believe our world would see a striking drop-in art. If we made sure we were completely ‘right’ in our opinions and ideas, unable to vacillate or grow with newfound experience, we might not experience growth at all. I always find it’s best to make the art while the art is making you.

All this being said, one of the thoughts being examined in Bay Barbers is surrounding deep conversation and small talk. Each time we have a client in our chairs it is an opportunity to connect. We want to know if the deeper conversation is proven to make people happier (Epley, A.P.A), why do so many people dislike it so much? I find it difficult to write about this topic for exactly that reason. I believe there is no right, or wrong way to socialize, and what works for one individual may not work for others.

Vulnerability must of course be acknowledged. It is not an insignificant feat to open up to another person. Even discussing how many kids you have, or what your last vacation was can be a daunting idea to some and disregarded as ‘unprofessional’ to others (I could write an entire post surrounding that word.) In truth, it’s just plain scary sometimes.


I believe one of the main causes of our surface-level conversations stems from an insecurity about our importance in life. We get lost in the thick weeds of “why does this person care about my life or what I think?” If we examine our relationships, often the closest are built on sharing thoughts, feelings, interests, opinions and/or deeper debating. I believe when we engage in conversations with the (possibly unconscious) belief that others don’t want to hear about us, and that we will be rejected if we attempt to break the mold, we miss out. What would happen if we consistently gave ourselves permission to show up with the assumption that others want connection just as much as we do? How much could all of us heal in this increasingly digital era if we actively committed to getting deep with others when we feel impelled to?

As Bay Barbers commits to understanding how we revolve around this foundational piece of interpersonal wellness, it's important as ever to remind our people that you are always worth the bravery it takes to open up and connect. You always have a space here for your depth, and if or when depth feels right to you, we are here to listen. Let's all do what's right for us.

-Indie Liebau