A New Frontier
Hello, hello!
I know it’s been a couple years but I wanted to give an update. I haven’t been in a relationship since my last post and I haven’t been involved with anyone in a year.
After just so many fucked up situations with the opposite sex, I just need to go back to the drawing board. So for an entire year, I’ve been learning about myself, human psychology, attachment, styles, childhood, trauma, etc. Through that learning and reflection, I learned that essentially that I gravitated towards emotionally unavailable men. Due to my childhood trauma, subconsciously, I felt like I always had to earn love. I also realized that I was never taught how to navigate relationships healthy, nor did I grow up seeing what a healthy relationship looked like. I honestly had no idea how to be in a healthy relationship, nor did I know what a healthy partner looked like.
So essentially, I came to two conclusions: One, that I was never taught anything about relationships. I was never taught about how to look for a partner, I was never taught how to communicate effectively with a partner, I was never taught how to set boundaries I was never taught, I have a say in dealing with situations like that, I was never taught that I didn’t have to save everyone. And two, I realize that these people wouldn’t have been able to hurt me, had I not allowed them in my life. I have control over my own actions and I have control over the people I allow my life. So basically I learned accountability.
I’ve not only learned to set boundaries with potential romance and partners, I learned to set boundaries with friends and even family. I went from having an anxious attachment style, to now having a secure attachment style. I’m now less afraid to speak up for myself and I have set boundaries multiple times.
I’ve also learned to trust my intuition more, because there were plenty of red flags from all of these men. And now, pretty much whenever I look at a guy, I can tell what he’s like and if it’s something I don’t like, I avoid it. There’s no need having things I don’t like in my life.
I’m now feeling more hopeful about the future of my romantic life. I’ve done the work and I hope to continue to learn and maintain the progress.