My broken Self
In the morning haze, I wake,
A prisoner of thoughts that ache,
Feeling fat, disgusting, low,
Ugly, bloated, sinking slow.
Hate consumes this soul of mine,
Disdain for all I seem to find,
My body, burdened, can't erase,
Its flaws, its faults, its every trace.
Clothed in doubt, I wear my pain,
Every imperfection, stain,
Numbers on the scale repeat,
An earworm's haunting, cruel deceit.
Revolving in my mind they dance,
A taunting, tormenting trance,
Knocking down my fragile wall,
Confidence, a fleeting squall.
The smallest things, they wield great might,
My worth eroding out of sight,
Bike shorts, words, and memories' grasp,
Each taking turns in this cruel clasp.
Others' words, they fall on deaf ears,
I can't embrace what they hold dear,
Pretty, not fat, they say to me,
But beauty's truth, I cannot see.
I buy new things to fill the void,
A new facade, but still annoyed,
With every coat, and shoe, and dress,
Inside, I'm still a shapeless mess.
Messed up, worthless, and alone,
Useless, horrid, I bemoan,
No hope or light to guide my way,
In this dark pit, I'm meant to stay.
Through shattered mirrors, I glimpse my form,
A distorted figure, lost and torn,
A prisoner of my own disdain,
Locked in a cycle of endless pain.
Whispers echo, haunting my mind,
All my flaws, they seem to bind,
Society's standards, a relentless foe,
Shattering the fragments of my ego.
Comparisons, a venomous blade,
Piercing deeper with each tirade,
Envy festers, consuming my heart,
Tearing me apart, tearing me apart.
I long to break free from this strife,
To find solace in a kinder life,
But the shadows cast upon my soul,
Drown out every glimmer of hope.
In the silence, I weep and pray,
For a chance to see a brighter day,
To mend the fragments of my worth,
To heal the wounds, to find my birth.
But until then, I remain confined,
A captive to a wounded mind,
A journey through this night so long,
Searching for where I belong.
So if you see me in the haze,
Remember, kindness goes a long way,
For we all bear burdens deep within,
In this battle, let compassion win.