unspoken words

What If

What if i never forget you?

Someday, if i met someone new, what if i can never fall for them,

because they aren't you?

What if i still stay for you when you have her?

Katanya mengalah untuk perempuan lain itu hebat. But i guess i'm not that good yet. Aku mau egois, aku mau kamu. Satu hari itu gak cukup. Aku mau kamu untuk setiap harinya, setiap menitnya dan setiap detiknya. Iya, jahat.

What if i give everything you want?

I'll do everything you ask to me. Kalo kamu mau aku untuk stay, i'll stay. Kalo kamu mau aku untuk nunggu, i can wait. Kalo kamu butuh aku when you were lonely, i'll run to you even when i'm just your escape. I'll be fool for you.

“Kalo ditanya apa satu permintaan dia yang gak bisa kamu lakuin?”

“Remove him in my life.”

Wajar saja bukan? Karna pergi bukan berarti menghapus semua tentangnya. I let him but i will keep the memories. Karna memang hanya itu yang bisa ku simpan, setidaknya. He's not everything for me, but i do everything with him. I also have my own world, and not all about him. But from all the words that i compiled, it was definitely him.

What if i want to keep pulling you in?

Would you run into my arms if i pulled you? Hugging tightly with a warm kiss. Will you look at me with the same gaze? Can I see myself when I look at you?

What if i choose you, you, and you again?

Even if you were the reason i cried, i'd still want you to wipe my tears, i'd still want you to be the one who comforts me.

My heart calls your name.

Sampai hari ini, di bawah hujan yang mengguyur bumi aku masih tetap berharap kamu berada disampingku. Menggenggam payung di sebelah kananku, dengan lengan kirimu yang ku rangkul hangat. Melangkah beriringan dengan sepatu basah yang menginjak genangan kecil.

What if i still be in denial?

Say i can let you go but i can't.

Say i hate you but i do love you more.

I want to scream, shout, and pour all my anger into you. But at the same time, i want to tell you how much i loved everything. I want to be the one who breaks this wall between us. I want to run to you.

But i know my limits.

You said i wasn't looking for you after that.
I do. but you never realize.
But it seems, aren't you the one who doesn't want i look for?

What if one day,

When you smell my familiar scent in a sea of crowds at a place you know i'd never be found, would you look around or keep walking? Would you hope to meet my eyes in the eyes of strangers? Or would you reach the corner of the street without weeping?

If you were alone, i'll be alone with you.