Insight into mental illness. Bipolar Schitzo effective

Halting Progress

Today is July 20th and it's 9:22 p.m. It's been a hard couple weeks and I've damn near stretched myself beyond my means. Work started great yet a curve ball came out of no where as per usual. In the form of a sudden schedule change. Normally I was given Fridays off but then suddenly it was switched to wednesday. It was switched due to another employee that requested Friday Saturday and Sunday off. So I took Wednesday off and work split shift all through until the following Friday. Only problem is work week went from six days to eight days. Either from Thursday July 1st everyday until Friday July 9th. Then the following work week went from a six day work week to a seven day work week. From Saturday July 10th until July 16th. So my only days of were on Wednesday June 30th, Friday July 9th, and Saturday July 17th. Only 3 days of rest and 20 work days. Then I requested a wrong day due to lack of rest and physical exhaustion. After a week like that the days become indistinguishable and become a blur. 1 day in between is not enough, or so it feels like. Anyone who has worked split shift knows that after the fifth or sixed day you become dependant on muscle memory because you miss little details that a well rested fresh employee normally wouldn't. This being my first month and not having a full knowledge on procedures on this dairy farm for it's my first organic free range farm. Of coarse tragedy happened when the grain stopped functioning for the whole month of July Yet I was held responsible for something I couldn't have possibly known due to lack of management. I seriously tried to ask for assistance yet none came in time. Since then things worse. For example machinery and equipment failing. Constant struggle with rebellious aggressive cows that are not happy if there is no grain. For will not walk nor respond without it. And I strictly don't hit the cows PERIOD. It's very frustrating. Very overwhelming and physically taxing. Lack of sleep due to the stress as well the concern of losing this lovely home caused me to lose sleep and depend on caffeine and energy drinks. I try to get flow of things as quick as possible. I'm starting to wonder if employees focus on my personality attributes instead of my accomplishments. I am currently diagnosed bipolar schitzo effective and have been labeled severely disabled by the state of California. Although management has not been kind to my situation. So lack of rest and understanding has left me in a state of high alert which causes me to become as aware of my surroundings. PTSD from the realization of a repressed memory of being sexually abused at the age of five. Not only that but I've noticed a lot of strange behavior towards me as of late. I like to speak to the cows while I milk and I've caught my co workers having their kid translate what I'm saying since the do not understand English to well. Talk about instilling a narcissistic mind set. So I finally somewhat snapped. I informed management of the situation of my lack management within the employees because there is no reception so cell service is limited. I suggested walkie talkies which fell on deaf ears. All since I've informed all management of my mental illness yet no accommodations were made. Everything that could go, has gone wrong only worsening my mood and situation. Very unfair. Well today things seemed to have an upside. I'm sure now that a single employee is behind it all. Due to the fact that said employee has been asking peculiar questions, mostly about narcotics that completely irrelevant to our current conversation. I also feel as if it is all due to this beautiful home that we have been blessed with. As if I am undeserving when in reality I work my ass of to maintain. So this short but sweet and straight to the point paragraph
is just in hopes ease my mind to rest in the form of expressing myself in a non combative way. Hope all goes well and again thank you God in the name the name of Jesus Christ for continuing to give me strength to triumph over any obstacle the UnWorthy One has set forth in my wife's and I path in order to remain vigilant on the road to Righteousness in strive for progress for those who have no ill will towards anyone, for we are the ones who suffer the most in this world yet we can and will become the strongest through a righteous cause if God see's fit. Mind over body, Soul over Mind, Heart over all.

CBC (🧀)