Insight Into Mental Illness
1/24/2021
“After seeking help. Trial and Error Phase”
Last night or should this morning say at 4 a.m. I caught my mother in law trying to sneak into the room by quietly opening the door very slowly by using a credit cart to unlock it from the outside. She was not alone for there is only one other individual who knows how to unlock the door. That would be the previous resident of this room. So i know my mother in law did not act alone. Her justification being that I didn't leave the room all day. Due to refusing to take my psych meds. Withdrawal has made me feel unwell. This is a form of intrusion in any way shape or form you might look at it. It truly bothered me immensely. I no longer trust her. She is very intrusive. I believe she has a problem with boundaries. My mother in law is breaking the trust i have built with her here. It was my fault for having false expectations. Being intrusive is in her nature. I am so bothered by it, I haven't stopped thinking about it to the point that it didn't let me sleep all night. I was in my briefs with the big rip in the middle so I covered myself immediately. Very embarrassing. Then she tells me to go aid my wife because she was completely intoxicated wife and just simply leaves the door open and walks away. I know the door was locked and I was not asleep. I couldn't with with all that racket. Them partying all night until early morning. So I am %100 sure she did not knock or notify me. WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT TO ME. I am incredibly distraught because intrusion affects me in a way that I feel it's more then an invasion of privacy. I have been left with the feeling of my rights in this house don't matter and honestly feel violated. Due to my recent realization of a repressed memory of being sexually abused as small child, so small and traumatizing that it became an unknown to me. Yet lurked beneath the surface causing me to dislike ease dropping. Because it's as if sometime is waiting for you to be at your most vulnerable. When your asleep. I've always have felt this way about nosey people. Up to no good. Intrusion to me, leaves me with the feeling of betrayal. I can not help the way i feel yet I try to look past it. Yet events like this will change my mindset to a place I don't want to be. Feeling uneasy as if there is no sanctuary, no safe haven for my own private thoughts and being. I now feel very bothered and feel as if i can't even afford the luxury of privacy. No matter how important it is to me. There is no peace and tranquility without sanctuary meaning safe haven. This is not a good place for my mind to be. But the meds make very I'll and uncomfortable in my mind. Still can't get the right regiment of meds. This trial and error process is taking allot out of me. So now I ask Please GOD give me the strength to triumph over any obstacle the dirt Eater may lay in front of my path today. Both familiar and strange face alike. In order to remain vigilant on the road to righteousness in the strive for progress for all. MIND over BODY, SOUL over MIND, HEART over ALL.
By CBC (🧀)