Insight into mental illness. Bipolar Schitzo effective

Today is August 6 11: 08 a.m.

(Wrote this yesterday)

It's a cool summer day. A fresh bay breeze blowing through. I feel as if it's a bland day. I have been struggling in my mind and starting to adapt to my new environment. I'm not sure how to move forward. My depression has been getting the best out of me. I have been trying to better myself on my own. Through support group central, as well as literature and started a new regiment of meds Zyprexa. For example I started reading 7 promises of the promise keepers. The book explains that for you to be successful in life, you need 3 types of people to whom you trust. You need a Timothy, a Paul, and a Barnabas. #1 A Timothy is an elder who you can seek guidance and advice from. Someone who's been through, most, if not all.  #2 A, Paul is someone that you can trust to call you out on your B S. A soul brother. A road dog. And #3 a Barnabas, someone you can mentor yourself cause them to learn from your mistakes so they don't stumble on the same stone you stumbled on yourself. 

So I've always had an issue I have no control over. I call it the 3 road blocks

1* I don't like asking for help from strangers or anyone for that matter. 2* When people offer help it makes me feel very uncomfortable.3* I also don't like accepting help. Still figuring out that one.

So today I'm proud for I have chosen my mentor. He is a military veteran. Marine Corps pilot. Vietnam vet. Peter Q, sponsored me on my baptism on Father's Day this year. The way I see it by doing so Christ Jesus legally adopted me. So now I have the greatest of father's. So I hope this will be a step towards tearing down the 3 road blocks. In hopes of receiving advice from someone my wife and I both respect. As for Paul I have found someone. Only thing is he respects all life so fishing and firing range might be out of the question. Flyn “Q” is his name. Only problem I don't want to self sabotage and I'm afraid misery might find a way to take away what I value the most. Family, truth, equality. Without prejudice, or judgment. He has experienced close death encounter so he understands. He has seen the afterlife as well. He also seeks the truth. Only one left is Barnabas. All in due time. Today is a small step towards Order above chaos. Wish me luck.