People change
That's why it's so difficult when you've grown up
Trying to figure out what it was about your parents
You promised yourself you'd never become

People get old and fall out of health quickly. If a nursing home is one stop on that journey, those of us who are poor and always busy, we have to “spend down” everything that's ours to pay for that care. Our estates and legacies eroded to keep us comfortable in our final days. Everything we cherished in life that isn't sold becomes a keepsake, they become mementos for whoever lives long enough to see us go. Our remaining finances trusted to the state.

I wrote in 2007, mom and dad will only exist as a few urns floating around.

And in 2023 I wrote, mom and dad only exist as a few urns floating around.

It's too late now

I’m at a car dealership waiting for an estimate on a repair
I’ll be here four or five hours, in spite of having an appointment
In the waiting room, there is a television advertisement
It suggests calling them to ask about using Medicaid to cover their care service or product
They describe this process with such ease
As though you might have a Medicaid application mailed to you
Fill it out and it will be whisked away, approved with ease

They don’t talk about qualifying for Medicaid
There’s no discussion of “spending down”
In this state, if you gift part of your assets to a relative you have to wait thirty days before you can qualify for Medicaid
In every other state, your donation imposes a five year waiting period

The next advertisements warn me
A lawyer who only takes twenty-five percent
A man in a suit warning me not to trust insurance companies
Older guy golfing says this is more than just another dental procedure

In email conversation with my uncle I am reminded of a pocket watch, a pipe collection, and scrapbooks. More of my family estate that I will never see again.