On Writing & Blogs
Here we go again
# about
It's the time for wanting to write again. At least there's consistency in that, if nothing else.
Let's try it differently this time.
I've been writing in my spare time for over 20 years. When I was 11, inspired by Harry Potter like every boy my age, I declared I wanted to be an author. I took creative writing classes in high school, joined a club, and spent most of my mornings in the backs of other classes, ignoring the teacher and writing stories. From 2005 to 2007, I also wrote 119 journal entries totaling over 60,000 words. I know because I've kept everything and I just checked. So much angst.
I went on to study English with a creative writing emphasis in college, then switched to technical writing before getting my degree. I've now been writing professionally almost every day for over a decade.
And I don't consistently write in my spare time anymore. I've tried.
Time and time again, I've tried.
At some point in my late teens, around the time I became disillusioned with religion, I began to enjoy writing nonfiction. Reviews, essays, experiences, thoughts of all kinds. I suppose everyone thinks they have something worth saying at some point. There are a million unnecessary podcasts that seem to suggest this is the case. And while podcasts aren't my favorite platform, I have started a blog more than once. More than twice or even thrice. I'm not sure what the count is.
And every time, it's the same story. I get the itch to write, I start a blog like a new project, I feel a kind of excitement, and I stop. Usually pretty quickly. I tell myself that I write professionally every day, so it's hard to stay excited about writing in my spare time, but I don't know if that's really the issue.
Is it the lack of audience? Readers would be nice, but I've never had them and never expected them, and that hasn't stopped the cyclical enthusiasm for writing, so I feel it must be something else. I think it must be the same thing that keeps me from sticking to any one endeavor for too long: it's hard, and it's not always fun, and it takes discipline to keep going. Especially when it's purely optional.
But fuck, I always come back to it. So here's to trying again. I'm stubborn. But I'd like not to be stupid about it. My latest attempt at blogging involved a 500-word limit per post, which was my strategy for trying to keep things interesting without inviting long-windedness, which I'm prone to. But I eventually ran into the same issue I always do: perfectionism.
I'm always burdened by a feeling that anything I post must be extremely polished. I've been trying to get away from that in my life in general, as it's really not a good attitude for getting anything done.
So this time around, no fancy goals. There are just two: (1) Write, and (2) Don't care. I'll just treat the blog like a personal journal — and hey, it's not like anyone is reading anyway. I'll try to write thoughts as they come up, link to things I've done when I can, and try not to care about importance, quality, or whatever might normally hinder me from doing so. I'll try not to obsessively read and reread and reread and reread as I usually do, trying to catch mistakes and optimize and care about things like not allowing lines to be made up of just a single word.
The goal? I don't know. Should I have one? I just like to write, and I'm trying to practice not getting in my own way all the damn time.