kyle conarro

Every year I say I'm going to write more. To share more. But the page is turning on 2024 and I haven't written a lick (at least not for public consumption).

Writing requires work. And sometimes it's just enough work that it makes it easy to avoid. Or hard to incorporate. Or a little of both.

But often, I find myself avoiding the perception that might accompany the thought. The effect of the work, not the work itself. It goes something like this:

Me: learns something cool or experiences something interesting
1 second later: How cool, I should share!
2 minutes later: But how should I explain it? What if people take it the wrong way? Or take me for someone I'm not?
I'll think on it to find a good way to share without sounding too dumb, or too smart, or like I'm trying too hard, or not trying hard enough, or...
Several hours later: What was I going to share again?

This sequence happens almost daily. My lawyerly exploration of all possible outcomes and perceptions, and the second and third-order effects of those, knocks down the bricks just as I start to stack them.

But I want to change this. I want to quiet those thoughts, or at least use them to build a scaffolding to support more bricklaying.

I've had a personal blog for over a decade. I haven't published there since 2022. While it's not technically dead (still paying that hosting bill 😅), I'd hardly call it alive. I still own the land, but all the plants are dead.

But the time has come to plant new seeds and let them grow. Will they be blossom? Will my neighbors like them? I'm trying not to care. I can't answer those questions. I just have to stop trying to, because it’s time to grab a shovel.