Crowbar is a pseudonym and a metaphor. Prying my thoughts about my life out of my head flinging them into the world.
Let’s begin.
Interracial marriage is confusing as heck. If you feel strongly about and identify yourself by race, it is hard to not feel pulled in different directions, or feel like you are losing your identity. That is at least how it feels as a black man for me. Maybe I am rare. Maybe other men in my situation do not even feel it. Do white people feel like they are losing their identity? Sometimes I wonder if holding on to racial identity is hurting my relationship. My spouse is very unforgiving to anyone in her family who possesses a modicum of racial bias. She gives no fucks at all. I am way more understanding to the fear and skepticism from my family. See, even in the previous sentence I worded their racism in a less offensive tone. Is it because my spouse has not been on the receiving end of her country making her enemy number 1 from birth ? Not her fault though. Her “unvarnished” perspective is how we all should want to be.
Maybe it is time to be more human and less black? I dunno. Actually, I do know. Humanity is the priority. Well, for me it is. But it feels so hypocritical to act like my mother who grew up in the jim crow south is not entitled to her fear, her skepticism and her concern for her son’s safety. She is.
We have all moved past that fear, anger, skepticism, and disappointment. It’s been a few decades now. Same wife, still call my momma daily.
Thats it.