How to Get Into a Slump
An exercise in the same vein as this book and video.
A lot of people have recently been asking “Daniel, how can I get into a slump or rut?, or “Daniel, I want to be depressed but I don't know how.” I point out that their second comment wasn't actually a question and they thank me for pointing it out.
In any case, I wanted to be able to point to a specific essay so that I can earn ad revenue. In my years of experience, I've found the following tips to be helpful.
- Get into a poor sleep “schedule.”
When I say “schedule,” the idea is that you would be as erratic as possible in your sleeping and waking times. Spend as much time as possible either watching TV (youtube, netflix, disney+) or scrolling facebook or twitter on your phone, and then turn the light out. Ideally as short of content as possible.
Even better, turn the light out and then scroll. You should have some kind of after image in your vision, if you don't, try again.
As you fall asleep, ruminate on your failures. Avoid thinking about how you might do better in the future, but think only of how it will be impossible to repair the damage you have done to those you love.
- Eat poorly.
Opposite of how you sleep, this should be very consistent. Focus on sugar, bread, red meat, and a stimulant, whether that be caffeine (energy drinks late in the day ideally) or nicotine (patches, cigarettes, chew etc.). In addition, eat late at night right before you go to bed. If you time it correctly and eat enough, you'll exacerbate what you started in Step #1. If you do this perfectly, you'll give yourself acid reflux and eventually throat cancer.
- Don't move.
One thing that many people don't know is that regularly exercising makes it difficult to get poor sleep. Of the different habits to start, this is also one of the easiest to get started, even on accident and if you aren't careful, other habits may follow. When you're physically exhausted it is easier to believe that wasting your time isn't a bad thing.
- Don't spend time with people.
People are going to steer you off your desired path. Spending time with them releases endorphins and will remind you of goals other than being in a slump. They'll sing to you the siren song of deep relationships and considering how your actions might affect others and not just yourself. Think of bending in on yourself, that is how you want to approach life.
A simple way to drive people away is to turn every conversation piece to how you relate and then bemoan the fact that you have no friends. After you drive people away, actively pursue them with no other care than not being alone (see how that's bent on you?) with no care any actual activity.
- Listen to the voice in the back of your head.
This is the voice that tells you to put things off and condemns you when you do. The same voice that suggests one more episode on netflix. One more scoop of ice cream. Yes you can skip this workout. Ignore his text, get to it later. It's easier to always pick lunch up than pack it. Don't worry about saving, tomorrow will worry about itself. One more drink. Keep scrolling. Always more. It doesn't matter if that person is being degraded, watch. Be entertained.
So now you have a good idea of how to get into and stay in a slump. If you find yourself gaining traction in an area of your life, come back to this list to correct it. If you've never really found yourself in a slump or feeling like you're in a rut, then try any or all of these tips.