Maintaining Internal Balance
When I started my internal healing journey, my goal was to stop worrying about everything while not being afraid of simply existing anymore. To that end I was intuitively guided through a process of self-mastery, which taught me how to better manage myself in the experience.
Ultimately I learned how to stop worrying about things and not to be afraid of what was going to happen next. I learned how to trust myself to handle my life more than anything. This work completely changed my life.
I did, as part of it, become much less reactive to my surroundings because I wasn’t in a constant state of survival anymore. The adrenaline wasn’t pumping 24 hours a day, but I didn’t learn to be completely non-reactive to people.
Well, that’s the new goal that’s been unlocked.
Non-reactivity.
What does that mean?
Not reacting to your reality or the people around you is not the same as not caring about the people and the world around you. We have this idea in society that if you’re not busy getting mad at people and things all the time, it means you don’t care. But that’s not true. You don’t have to emotionally react to care or to solve problems. Non-reactivity is actually the next level after learning to manage your emotions.
Why did I decide to go down this path?
Because isolation is a thing. You see, I no longer wanted to deal with people and their problems. It was making me want to never talk to anybody again. But that’s not really really realistic. It took me a minute to realize that I could shift myself, I didn’t have to fix the outside world. What would have to change for me to be okay in a world that just offers me problems and pain all the time? My ability to stay balanced within myself, regardless of what others were offering me.
If I were a tarot card, it would be me fully embracing my inner High Priestess. People bring her things. She deals with them, but does not react. Eckhart Tolle has also mastered non-reactivity. I figure I’ll channel a bit of him too. It is the ability to maintain full internal balance regardless of what’s happening around me. That’s essentially what we’re going for.
When I first started understanding how to release worry and fear, I was terrified of the adventure. I didn’t know what I was getting into. I didn’t know what would happen. I didn’t understand that it didn’t mean not caring about anything. I just didn’t know what that was going to look like or feel like.
This time, I’m excited! I love the idea of learning how to maintain internal balance all the time. I can find internal balance, even when I’m out in the world. I walk around with a smile on my face. I’m happy and friendly and the result is that people are friendly back. I’m excited to learn how to maintain that in every situation I find myself in.
The idea of completely changing or running into pain within myself isn’t a scary prospect like it used to be. I remember being terrified to heal. It wasn’t fun. But now healing is fun because I understand the value of the reward on the other side of the work. I understand that I can handle the process. Nothing is going to come up that I can’t manage. Complete change just sounds good to me.
Yes, I’m the weirdo that enjoys healing and gets excited by the idea of doing the work on myself. Why? Because I am forever grateful for what it gave me the first time I went down the path. I can only imagine what it will bring me this time.
So, stay with me as I share my adventures in becoming less reactive and more fully balanced within myself. I’m excited about what’s going to show up and curious about how this will change things for me.
Thanks for reading!
Love to all.
Della
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