I have been a serious fanfiction reader for about the last three years. I ha=
ve received nearly excessive amounts of enjoyment from it. Entering the onli=
ne world of fanfiction is not only gaining yourself access to a practically i=
nfinite amount of free reading material, it=E2=80=99s also joining a communi=
ty that delights in the same things you do, and delights in discovering and c=
reating new ways to be delighted together.=20
That being said =E2=80=94 the grip that this alternate reality has had on my=
focus and consciousness for the last several years has been intense and unr=
elenting. Finally I feel it starting to ease. I am starting to read publish=
ed literature again. Increasingly, I am beginning to experience moments of b=
oredom or annoyance with fanfiction stories. And this has given me some of m=
y freedom back =E2=80=94 my focus. Thank god. Life is becoming real again in=
a lovely way that I don=E2=80=99t want to avoid.=20
I have been awaiting this moment. When I was a new flight attendant, I loved=
the biscoff cookies on the plane, so I ate endless amounts of them for abou=
t the first 8 months on the job. This only ended when I got sick of them. I h=
ave been waiting for my obsession with [addiction to?] fanfiction to wane in=
the same manner. Only, it has been about 3 years instead of 8 months, and I=
still occasionally read some of them.=20
I am not a hard-stop cold-turkey kind of person. The most genuine change wit=
hin me happens when I shift things in my life gradually, and based on how I=E2=
=80=99m feeling. All parts of me, especially my feelings, need to be united f=
or any change I make to be real.=20
That=E2=80=99s why my change in interest in this instance has me so pleased.=
My inner motivations, my pleasures, are the most difficult and most importa=
nt pieces of me to shift. And here they are, shifting on their own.=20
Let=E2=80=99s celebrate.=20=