I would call myself (gratefully) inconsistent, but I think a better descript=
or would be consistently changeable. I feel strongly about things, and then a=
month later I feel the opposite, but equally as strongly. For example, a mo=
nth ago I was ranting on and on about how my job is fake. Walking through a b=
uilding of elevators and cubicles and computers with identical login screens=
=E2=80=94 it feels like a weird adult playground of make-believe importance=
, like it=E2=80=99s all irrelevant and completely intangible.=20
This month? I=E2=80=99m delighted that, over the years, I=E2=80=99ve achieve=
d this status of =E2=80=98being a businessman=E2=80=99, like the ones I alwa=
ys saw in formal button down shirts on the plane, cuffs rolled up showing a s=
exy hint of muscled forearm, typing away on their computers with Things To D=
o, bringing home lovely paychecks. That=E2=80=99s me now. EEEE. Girly squeal=
.=20
I was thinking of that this morning, and remembering how it used to feel wor=
king flights =E2=80=94 like my brain was hungry and was rotting away. There w=
as nothing to achieve, being a flight attendant. The whole point is homeosta=
sis. No wonder I began studying 7 different languages during that time. I sp=
ent a lot of time on the plane trying not to be as OCD as my instincts wante=
d. Does it really matter if Sally Coworker wants the coffee jugs placed on t=
op of your shared cart in a less efficient (read: stupider) position? No, it=
doesn=E2=80=99t. So you swallow your tongue and let her rearrange your shar=
ed service items the dumb way, and you focus on serving people, because that=
=E2=80=99s your job, and ease in your working relationship with your coworke=
r matters far more than having to reach your hand a weird way to lift the co=
ffee. Besides, once you=E2=80=99ve accepted the parameters you=E2=80=99ve be=
en handed, is anything else really too difficult? The rejection of your real=
ity is always what makes things most difficult.=20=