Mostly True: Car Stuff
Contains mentions of spicy handsy tieflings, inappropriate use of an automobile, disappointing sex, and the fear of horror movie cliché deaths. NSFW, obviously.
(Expanded from a short confession I made a little while back.)
If you’ve not figured it out yet, I've not really had a lot of experience with boys. Rarely, though, boredom and curiosity have taken over and I've… dabbled. For example, that one time I was coming back from a road trip…
Story time!
So… once upon a time, I was coming home from a road trip with my “more than friends but not a thing” friend. It was late, we were driving through a pretty rural area, and I had like no bars on my phone. So, no music, no social media, and a few more hours until we got back home.
Normally I’d probably have just zoned out, but I was like... feeling sad because the trip was basically over and I'd have to go back to real life the next day. And the trip had been fun, you know? I do love adventure, after all. So I wasn’t ready for the trip to be over just yet. And I mean, you know me… I'm kind of always low key spicy so bored, sad, and spicy me uhm...
Maybe I started… getting a little handsy with myself?
Okay first, shut up! We'd done stuff before so it wasn't like I was just like ‘oh hi I'm gonna do the thing kk?’ And second, there was like… no one else on the roads! So I thought maybe it would be a fun distraction, plus yeah okay maybe I was hoping things might escalate because seriously, my sex drive is broken sometimes. Maybe I was being a little extra, but… I mean…
…okay yeah, whatever, this shy introvert does have her slutty moments and that was definitely one of them. Horny brain does occasionally override my best judgement, okay? I legitimately can't help it sometimes.
Anyway, I’m there being handsy, waiting for him to catch on. It doesn’t take him long, if I remember right. He’s like “Holy shit Dio are you actually” and I am like “Yeeep” and of course he's a boy so he’s like “omg no way.”
So to ‘yes way’ him I… might have put my fingers in his mouth? Shut up, okay? That has him all “fuck that's hot I want you” or something similarly lame and I'm like “yeah that was kind of the fucking point my dude, pull ooooover” and he's like “okay shit let me find an exit” and after a few he finds one that looks suitably like… whatever.
So anyway, we leave the highway and after what seems like ages, manage to find what looks like an old dirt service road surrounded by woods. I'm like, waaay ready for stuffs by now so I barely wait for him to stop before I'm like, trying to climb him but the stupid steering wheel is in the way. We try in the passenger seat and that kind of works but still, the angles suck and it's just… no good. He mentions the back seat and I'm looking at it, half full of travel stuff, thinking “how is that better” so instead I'm like “we could do it on the hood…?”
So. Yeah. We get out of the car, I hop up onto the hood, and its still awkward, I keep sliding off at first, the angles are still weird, but it's better than the disaster that the inside of the car is and I'm actually kind of into it…
…until my dumb fucking brain is like “and this is how you die, Dio, as the horror movie dumb slut cliche, out in the woods with her everything out.” And that of course makes the road, tge woods, the quiet seem sinister… so I steer “more than friends” into finishing quickly. I'm like “okay that was fun but someone might drive by, let's go.” Because I'm not trying to get axe murdered okay?
He doesn't argue, he's finished anyway, so we get back on the road. I'm frustrated but no longer in the mood, so I sort of just pretend to sleep after his “omg that was hot” chatter dies down.
The next day we go out so he can drive me home and that's when the real horror movie began. On the hood of his car, are the unmistakable imprints of a tiefling's butt, hands, and Converse treads, all slightly blurry due to… you know… motion.
The worst part? It was a weekday, so it was like, absolutely certain that at least some of his neighbors saw the imprints.
So I guess… the morals of my story are twofold. First, don’t creep yourself out with horror movie tropes while you’re trying to concentrate on you know, sex. And second, if you're going to have sex on the hood of a car, wipe the hood off after!