Dio Writes

This takes place in one of the many permutations of Faerun, a short time before the Baldur’s Gate 3 epilogue party. Filia was my first companion through the game… my eldritch warlock friend whose sacrifice broke me. This scene, canon to our own version of Faerun, was written soon after we said goodbye.

I’ve been reluctant to share these stories… I care about them enough to want others to care about them too. I guess we’ll see.

Spoilers ahead.

#BaldursGate3 #FanFiction #BaldursGate3 #Writing

“But our Prince has agreed, at great risk, to offer us the means to attend. Surely you do not intend to refuse?” Lae'zel says, affronted. “After all he has done to offer us this gift?”

The mind flayer once known as Filia shrugs, the gesture strange on its alien form. Speaking into the mind of her friend, she replies. “I cannot attend this… gathering. I've much to do; our efforts in the war take precedence. Please, do express my regrets to our... allies.” The communication is tinged with the unmistakable aura of regret. She is still new to this form and has yet to learn to control her emotions when projecting… and more than anything, she wishes to see her friends.

“Chk! You are not so busy that you cannot attend. These are our friends. Surely you want to-”

Filia, feigning detached nonchalance, interrupts. “Friends? You call them my friends, but they are nothing to me; a necessary alliance that has served its purpose. I have need of their company no longer. If you are so tied to sentimentality-”

“Sentimentality?” Lae’zel says, affronted. “Allies? You insult them. They are our brothers and sisters, they shed blood for our common cause, they freed-” Lae’zel pauses, narrowing her eyes. “No. You speak falsely. What purpose do these lies serve?”

“A ghaik views its allies in ways you mere gith cannot fathom.” Filia says, indifferently, doing her best to mask her emotions. “There is no lie, there is merely practicality, efficiency.” But though her tone is dismissive, the emotions coloring the statement reveal the truth Despair, self-loathing, and above all… shame.

“You are no ghaik.” Lae’zel replies, spitting. “These are not the words of Filia Sha Mla’ghir, my sister at arms. You lie.” Though she does not understand why, she understands that her friend speaks false.

The illithid… Filia… turns away. “Then leave this liar to its-” Filia stresses the word ‘it,’ highlighting her alienness “-work. Go revel, go drink their wine, go learn…” She falters, the words painful “…go see…” She finds that she cannot continue.

Lae’zel’s scowl fades. There is more to this, she knows. “I know you want to see them.”

Filia is quiet for a long moment. When she next projects her thoughts, the pretense of indifference is gone. “Yes. I want very little else. But I cannot, Lae’zel.”

Lae’zel, confused, replies. “Perhaps not in truth, but we can-”

Filia… the sending faint… replies. “You misunderstand. I cannot. I am a danger to them. I would not put them at risk to slake my own thirst for their company. Best they think I no longer care to see them.”

“My sister at arms, we will lack substance. There is nothing you can do to harm them.” Lae’zel replies.

“Is there not?” Filia replies. “I share this consciousness with the mind of a ghaik. For the moment, I am able to thwart its incursions, but on a day not so distant, I will lose this battle. Filia will be no more. Even now, I can taste your emotion, your anger, and it is… pleasing. ” At this, Lae’zel shifts, uncomfortable at the idea that Filia is… eating… her emotions. “ And you are just one of the people I… that I care for.” The word love, frightening when she was she… now feels dangerous.

“But it is safe-” Lae’zel begins, but the Filia cuts her off.

“It is not safe. It will never be safe. You and I share the bond of friendship. Yet I still find myself savoring your emotion, your passion. How might their emotion affect me, how might it -change- me, should I find myself in everyone's company? Like you, I have taken lovers from among our friends-” A small lie; she’d had a liaison, once… “-so how might remembering… that… affect me, in this… as a…” She shudders with equal parts resignation, sadness, and disgust. “As… this.” She motions to the illithid body. “I have little to offer them beyond risk and pain.”

Lae'zel, uncomfortable, shifts... she'd not yet considered that Filia might be... feeding on her emotions. Hesitantly, she says “You are strong, my sister, you have mastered your disgusting form. Chk, surely you can maintain control for an evening?”

Stillness, sadness. “My disgusting form. Quite right.” And then, thoughts tinged with a deep loneliness. “Please, if I am truly your sister... do not ask this of me. Tell them I would not. Tell them I no longer care for them, in this new form. Tell them…” Filia trails off. “Remind them that I am but an echo of a friend they once had. That their friend Filia died when she chose to transform, that this… ghaik… wears her memories but nothing more.”

Lae'zel tilts her head… an unconscious movement picked up from Filia. Placing a hand on her shoulder, looking her in the eyes... overcoming the screaming revulsion of years of conditioning to comfort her friend… she says “You are still my sister, no matter your form. ” And, grimacing, she adds “Chk. I will make your excuses. But I will not lie. They will know the truth.”

The illithid inclines its head, nods once, resigned. “Very well, Lae'zel.” Filia turns away, adding quietly “But you must realize I cannot fight this forever. You know I am but an echo of… her. Some day, the ghost of her will be gone, a fully formed illithid her place. What then?”

Lae’zel is quiet for a long moment. When she speaks, her tone is uncharacteristically somber. “On that day, I will mourn for the friend I have lost. And I will destroy the ghaik that killed her.”

“Thank you.” Filia replies, quietly. “Thank you.”