Dio Writes

Hiding behind these masks I've crafted
Each a calculated risk
Created to show you a falsehood
My truth, buried somewhere in these lies

First a graying mask for a graying world
This shade, gliding through featureless days
Pretending to be something less than I am
Your reality safe from me

This boring, half-life you call existence
Predictable
But perhaps I am unfair
You mask could be as good as mine

Lost in this sea of banality
Perhaps you struggle too
Wishing to break the shackles
That bind you to this slow death

But then, no
You effortlessly glide, accepted
The others around you sensing
You are one of them

Do you ever wonder if I'm more?
Do I ever unsettle you with my intensity?
That fire that smolders just underneath the surface
My eyes dismantling you with a thought

Do you catch my critical assessment, wondering
What it might be like to have you
The disgust of the idea flitting across my face
Hating you for making me wonder

I am not jealous
(I am jealous)
I am not angry
(I am furious)

This mask, a prison
Screaming, I tear it from my face
Shattering it against the wall of my rage
It will be waiting for me tomorrow.

--

My second mask
A bespoke self for the digital world
A fantasy for us both
This 'slutty nerd,' you love, free of consequence

I laugh, your hobbies my hobbies
My stories, more truth than lie
Fantasies never shared
Writ large, shared, exposed

I deny you the best of me
Sensuality screaming loud enough to protect my heart
What you offer me in the moment enough
Your base reality satisfying my need

Is this all you think I am?
This vapid idiot, running through the halls
Screaming 'fuck me' and blushing at your ministrations
Swooning at your touch?

Do you see the smirk in the corner of my mouth
How I lead you
How I let you believe that you're in control
That you might have me?

I want to tell you that I'm more
I drop hints, shades of myself
Clues, hidden in plain sight
Seeds of me that I wish you'd nurture

I am not hurt
(Perhaps I am hurt)
I am not disappointed
(I am resigned)

This mask, a cage
Crying, I snap it in twain
Leaving it where I know
I can find it when next I need it.

--

My last mask, gossamer threads
As close to my reality as I am able to share
This girl, as she would be
If she were braver than the coward she is

This me, eyes intent with the intelligence I often deny
Your discomfort apparent
As you realize that I am so much more
Than what I have allowed myself to be

'This is me', I scream, ecstatic
Knowing that I can only hold on for a moment
The other masks, twitching
Aching to return themselves to my face

Sensing a change, you flirt
Expecting the playful awkwardess you know
Terrified by my intensity
As my eyes glitter with predatory glee

The door closed, I move in
Wondering how you'll you taste when I have you
Gliding closer, lips close to yours
Hoping another hapless boy will not flee

I am whole, for the moment
This mask, healing wounds long festering
Limiters I erected to protect
Discarded as my self shines through

I am happy
(I am overjoyed)
I want this forever
(This will not last)

This mask, my unshaded truth
I hold it to my face as long as I can
Hoping to keep it a little longer
And knowing I cannot.

--

And then... there is me.