The Long Loss (Filia)
Hunger. Such hunger.
The ghaik glided along a darkened corridor of the vessel, silently, seeking the stateroom of its companion. The most subtle of sendings had sent her into a deep sleep... fleeting dreams of victory over her oppressive queen, memories of her companions... seasoning her mind with the flavors most appealing to the ghaik.
Love. Companionship. Conquest. Freedom. Emotions one could savor for hours.
The door, locked as it was, would be no barrier to the creature. Escape from this vessel, well, that was another matter, but it has planned well. The tatters of the woman who it once was had a wealth of knowledge tucked away in the recesses of her mind, which it could draw on to escape before the crew understood that its prized champion was dead.
Raising its hand, it unlocked the door with a thought. Anticipation of this most delicious meal had its tentacles slick with slime, writhing. Such experience, such memories… so much pain, so much… everything. Another moment and it-
”...stop...!”
It shook its head, wincing. Fragments of the host, nothing more. If it could only-
“Stop!”
Its hand shook, its body frozen in place. What was this? No matter, it need only focus and-
“NO!”
It hissed, the host of the body fighting it for control. The host should not be able, it was dead, how... how-
The ghaik known as Filia, panicked, forced the alien consciousness out. It was... this was Lae'zel's room. What was she doing outside... Was she going to... had she almost...
Now back in tenuous control, she silently slipped away, calm exterior hiding a maelstrom of guilt and terror within.
-——
(Some time later…)
Filia held the dagger over her heart, tip already half an inch deep, black blood staining her tunic. “I almost killed her. I almost -ate- her...” She despaired. She'd been finding it more difficult to remain herself of late, but nothing... nothing like this. This time, for the first time, she'd been entirely gone... asleep, dead, it didn't matter. She was losing.
She steeled herself, repositioning her hand, preparing to drive the dagger into her heart. She would not hurt them, any of them.
“Solitude may buy thee time.” A whisper across her consciousness, vaguely familiar in a way she could no longer place. Solitude. Perhaps.
Isolation. She... there were options. The ghaik had a plan, it had knowledge it would have used to escape. Perhaps if she left, she could hold on a little longer. Perhaps she could find a way to die as herself.
Decided, she gathered her things, resolved to fight the losing battle that would mark the end of her consciousness from the safety of somewhere very far away from anyone she cared about.
-——
(In her isolation, time passes…)
“Alone.” The illithid thought upon waking, a sense of faint melancholy tinged with loneliness. Once, it had known allies, lesser beings with whom it shared mutual goals, friends, it had called them. And it was called…
…the name took a moment to come to it. Filia. It had been called Filia, and it had… it had…
With effort, the ever-weakening gith mind inside this body once again re-established control. Speaking in its… her… head: “No. I -am- Filia. I was born in the astral plane, to the… to the… I… oh gods, I don’t remember my creche. Oh, please, I’m not ready for this…” A gurgling, bubbling sound rose from the orifice of the monster… as close to crying as it could approximate, perhaps. “I’m me… I’m still me. Please, let me still be me…”
“I can’t let this go on any longer.” The creature thought, resigned. It had been isolated for more than a year, suppressing the alien urges to enthrall, hurt, eat… but it… she…. SHE… knew she was weakening.
In the beginning, the creature sharing was dormant except when she slept. When she started waking up wandering… when she woke with her hand on the door to Lae’zel’s quarters, hunger almost overwhelming her… she’d left. And the lack of proximity had helped. Its allies… her… no… HER friends… they’d provided what she needed to survive, the recently dead serving one of the Prince’s most trusted advisors as meals.
But, something had shifted. Now, it… she… SHE… lived in a constant hunger, a constant need to… to… connect. Fleeting thoughts of returning, of all of the minds to consume, of…
Filia screamed, silently, a prisoner in this alien body. With effort… and not for the first time… she wrested control from the mind that was increasingly present, pushing into the recesses of her mind with it’s own abilities. For the moment, she was again, fully herself.
“I cannot wait any longer.”
Her goodbyes sent, she opened the portal to Faerun, transporting herself back to where it had all began.