When Jesus Meets the Message That Tears People Down
There are moments in life when you look around at the world, at the church, at the voices speaking on behalf of God, and you find yourself asking a simple, aching question: “Why does following Jesus sometimes feel like being told I’m never enough?”
Everywhere you turn, someone is preaching, posting, or shouting that you’re unworthy. That you’re ungrateful. That you’re broken beyond usefulness. That God is disappointed in you. That you should feel ashamed of who you are and how far you still have to go.
But does that message come from the heart of the Christ who walked the dusty roads of Galilee, who touched the untouchable, who lifted the broken, who restored those others had written off?
No.
Not even close.
So today, I want to sit with you and imagine something sacred: What if you could sit down with Jesus Himself, face to face, and ask Him what He thinks about the message so many Christians preach—this message that tears people down in the name of holiness?
What if you could hear His response?
What would He say?
What would He correct?
What would He restore in you?
This article is that conversation. It is the long, slow, healing exhale that people who have been crushed by religious shame have needed for a long time. It is the reminder that the Gospel was never meant to bruise you—it was meant to bring you back to life.
Let’s walk gently into this together.
I. When You Sit Down With Jesus, Everything Harsh Falls Away
Imagine the scene.
You’re tired. Worn out. Disappointed by church folks who seem more excited about pointing out flaws than lifting up grace. You have questions you’ve been carrying for years because you’ve been told that doubting your worth is holiness.
You sit across from Jesus.
Not the Jesus of fear-based preaching.
Not the Jesus painted as a cosmic judge ready to strike you down.
No—the real Jesus.
And before you even speak, He looks at you with a kind of love that steadies your breathing.
Then He says something that immediately softens the weights you’ve been carrying:
“You are not who they say you are. And you’re not who shame tells you to be. You are Mine.”
He doesn’t start with condemnation.
He doesn’t start with accusation.
He doesn’t start with your failures.
He starts with your identity.
Because Jesus knows something religion often forgets:
People don’t rise when they are shamed.
People rise when they are loved back into themselves.
II. The Most Misunderstood Idea in Christianity: “Unworthy”
There is a sentence many Christians repeat as if it honors God:
“Lord, we are unworthy.”
And while humility is beautiful, that phrase—spoken too often and out of context—has wrecked more souls than it has healed.
Here’s the truth Scripture actually reveals:
If you were worthless, Heaven would not have bankrupt itself for you.
Think about it.
Value determines cost.
And God paid the highest cost imaginable.
No one spends everything they have on garbage.
No one sacrifices their only Son for a soul that “sucks.”
But religion, when it forgets the heart of God, becomes obsessed with reminding people of their dirt instead of reminding them of their design.
It confuses humility with humiliation.
It preaches unworthiness as if it is worship.
But God did not send His Son to die for trash.
He sent His Son to redeem treasure.
III. Jesus Never Led With Shame — He Led With Worth
Let’s walk through the actual Gospel accounts, slowly and honestly, and look at how Jesus interacted with people at their lowest points.
The Woman Caught in Adultery
Dragged through the streets. Thrown at His feet. Surrounded by accusations.
The religious leaders wanted blood.
Jesus wanted her dignity back.
He defended her before He corrected her.
He protected her before He guided her.
He restored her before He instructed her.
He didn’t say, “You are filth.”
He said, “I do not condemn you.”
The Order Matters.
Grace first.
Direction second.
Zacchaeus
A tax collector.
A traitor.
A thief.
The kind of man religious people love to preach against.
Jesus calls him by name.
Jesus invites Himself into his home.
Zacchaeus thought Jesus came to expose him.
Jesus came to elevate him.
“Today salvation has come to this house.”
Not after Zacchaeus fixed himself.
But as Jesus looked at him with eyes that said,
“You are not defined by your past.”
The Bleeding Woman
Unclean for twelve years.
Unwelcome in the community.
Unwanted by society.
But Jesus doesn’t call her “unclean.”
He calls her “Daughter.”
Twelve years of shame undone in a single sentence.
This is Jesus.
Not the Jesus of religious harshness.
The Jesus of relentless restoration.
Peter
Denied Jesus three times.
Failed publicly.
Collapsed under pressure.
But Jesus didn’t define Peter by the moment he melted.
Jesus defined Peter by the mission still inside him.
“Feed My sheep.”
In other words:
“I still trust you.
I still see you.
I still choose you.”
Jesus never uses failure as a final sentence.
He uses it as the doorway to greater purpose.
The pattern is unmistakable.
Jesus lifts.
Jesus restores.
Jesus dignifies.
Jesus heals.
Jesus calls people higher without pushing them down first.
So when Christians preach messages dripping with shame, the disconnect is painfully obvious.
They are preaching something Jesus would not recognize.
IV. Shame Does Not Produce Holiness — It Produces Hiding
The very first emotional response recorded in Scripture after sin entered the world was not repentance.
It was hiding.
Adam and Eve didn’t run toward God.
They ran away from Him.
And that pattern has continued for thousands of years.
Shame does not draw the soul closer.
Shame pushes the soul into the shadows.
But Jesus?
He walks right into the shadows to find you.
He doesn’t shout from a distance; He comes close enough to touch the wound.
Holiness was never meant to begin with humiliation.
Holiness begins with relationship.
Transformation begins with belonging.
Jesus doesn’t tell you what’s wrong with you so He can punish you.
He tells you what hurts you so He can heal you.
V. The Real Reason Some Christians Preach Harsh Messages
It’s not always malicious.
Sometimes it is inherited.
Sometimes it is ignorance.
Sometimes it is their own unhealed wounds speaking through their theology.
But here are the common reasons:
1. They were raised on fear-based religion.
People repeat what shaped them.
2. They mistake volume for authority.
Shouting truth is not the same as carrying truth.
3. They believe shame leads to obedience.
But shame only leads to pretense, not transformation.
4. They confuse conviction with cruelty.
Conviction is a scalpel.
Cruelty is a hammer.
5. They think making people feel smaller makes God feel bigger.
But God doesn’t need people crushed so He can be exalted.
Jesus said,
“My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
If the message you hear doesn’t lift your spirit,
if it leaves you heavier, defeated, or feeling despised,
it is not the voice of your Shepherd.
His voice calms storms — it doesn’t create new ones.
VI. What Jesus Would Actually Say About Preaching That Tears People Down
If He sat across from you today, hearing your question—
“Lord, what do You think about all these messages saying we’re unworthy and terrible and disappointing to You?”—
I believe He would respond with a truth powerful enough to rewire your entire spiritual identity:
“I did not come to shame you. I came to save you.”
He would remind you:
“You were worth the journey from Heaven to Earth.
You were worth every miracle I performed.
You were worth every tear I cried.
You were worth the cross.
You are worth My presence now.”
And He wouldn’t whisper it.
He would say it with the authority of the One who spoke galaxies into being.
Because the very heart of the Gospel is not:
“You’re awful—try harder.”
The Gospel is:
“You are loved—come closer.”
VII. What Happens Inside a Soul When It Finally Hears Jesus’ Real Voice
Something shifts.
Something unravels.
Something that was tight and trembling inside you loosens and breathes for the first time.
You stop defining yourself by failure.
You stop measuring yourself by religious expectations.
You stop shrinking under the disapproval of self-appointed gatekeepers of grace.
You begin to see yourself the way God sees you:
Not as someone He tolerates…
but as someone He desires.
Not as a disappointment He puts up with…
but as a son or daughter He delights in.
Not as someone He rescued reluctantly…
but as someone He joyfully ran toward.
VIII. The Gospel Rewritten for Those Who Have Been Wounded by Religion
Here is the truth Scripture reveals—slow down and let this wash over you:
You are not defined by your worst day.
You are not disqualified by your past.
You are not a burden to God.
You are not an embarrassment to Heaven.
You are beloved.
You are carried.
You are chosen.
You are called.
And no matter what any preacher, parent, pastor, or internet prophet has spoken over you, Jesus has the final word on your identity.
And His word is always the same:
“Mine.”
IX. A Closing Benediction for Every Wounded Soul
If you have ever walked out of a church feeling like you didn’t belong…
If you have ever cried because someone used God’s name to hurt you…
If you have ever believed—even for a moment—that God regretted making you…
Hear this now, and hear it as if Jesus is speaking it directly to the deepest part of you:
“My child, you are not the failure they described.
You are the beauty I designed.
You are not the shame they preached.
You are the joy I pursued.
You are not unworthy of My love.
You are the reason I came.”
Lift your head.
Uncurl your heart.
Step out of the shadows religion forced you into.
Walk confidently toward the God who has never stopped walking toward you.
Because the world has heard enough messages that tear people down.
It’s time for the message of Jesus—the real message—to rise again.
You matter.
You are loved.
And Heaven has never once regretted choosing you.
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Douglas Vandergraph
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