Apology
I want to apologize for one thing.
Looking back at the past weeks I have to question my motives.
While the distance between myself and my body and mind has increased, their desires and apprehensions are still strong.
And I have to wonder if maybe my fear of losing you, even though I think I walked through and transcended it, might have still led me to try to pull you towards me.
I know that you are still able to choose consciously, but I also know that you also have a body and a mind that you have not yet fully transcended. And I know that this mind is susceptible to my mind.
I am not saying that I consciously tried to manipulate you, or that I think that I would not enjoy spending more time with you.
I also don't think that I will ever intend to harm you.
But be aware that maybe what you have is better than you think and... I don't want to write this.
Here we go. Here it is. The ego saying: don't write this. Don't make her leave. I can feel how the thought of saying goodbye to you for a long time is triggering sadness and fear.
How do we figure out whether this is necessary and good? I can't.
And I can't figure out what path you want to walk.
I can only try to keep a place for you. Nurture the love in me.
So you can always come back if you need a home.
And I think it makes perfect sense. I want to create such an abundance of love and wealth (not only financial) in my life that you, as well as all the other people I have decided to love, will always be able to fall back on it.
And I don't have to hold anyone close to me because I need them. I hope you understand this, that you are absolutely free to take whatever path you want, without causing any harm to me, but that at the same time, you can also rely on me as a friend who can at the very least help you to shed some light on the path ahead of you.