Boundaries
Today I visited my grandfather who lives with my aunt and her husband. Recently, during the pandemic, they got a dog, Gustav.
He's young and wild, and sometimes annoying. He never gave me a break and kept chewing on my hands and fingers and eventually my wrists until I had enough and told him to stop, but that only got him more wild. So eventually I grabbed his front legs and tried to push him away but he kept biting into my wrists.
So to set a boundary I applied some torque in the attempt to flip him on his back. In that moment he let out a scream that sounded like a child under attack screaming for its mother.
My aunt asked me what I had done and told me I shouldn't hurt her dog. I told her that if I broke his leg I'd pay for the veterinarian. (Although I'm sure I was still very far from breaking his leg or even causing him severe pain).
She told me that I had just scored two negative points and I replied that if this was a game I thought I'd rather scored the first point.
I think it's important to set and enforce boundaries to protect your own peace. Of course you always try to use the mildest means possible, but not setting a boundary will only lead to further misery.
Update:
A day later, Gustav was again up for some play. I established new boundaries with him regarding how hard he's allowed to bite and then I fully immersed myself in the play. I imagined we were fighting to life or death. It was all about speed and tactics. At least once I got him around the neck. But many times he got me faster. And his face got pretty serious, and I got pretty scared. It was intense fun.
After a while when I had enough I opened my hands and held them open before him to symbolize the end of the play. He understood. I bowed down to him with a namaste gesture and he was back to his calm self. It was magic :)