Fear 3
Yesterday I had a fascinating experience with fear. It was as if my subconscious mind had decided that after expanding my capacity to feel sadness and joy it was time to expand my capacity to feel fear. But how did I get there?
I think the first condition that enabled this experience was that my mind has slightly changed. Its ability to discern and cut through things to get closer to truth isn't diminished, but sometimes it is delayed.
This can be beautiful because it allows me to believe things at least for a moment until my mind closes in on reality again.
When you sent me the video of the “burning tree” for example, I believed it for a few seconds. For a moment I thought that your practice of pyrokinesis was just going really well. Only after enjoying this entertaining belief for a moment my mind wandered back to the probabilities of the tree actually burning in this cold environment and finally realized that the fire was just a reflection in the window.
But what happened yesterday? It was late in the evening, I think after eleven, and I was walking around a lake nearby while smoking a pretty strong joint.
I came from the bottom left corner and walked around the lake counter-clockwise. On the top right corner there is a “humming stone”, a porous stone with a big hole on my chest height. You can stick your head into the hole and hum, which I did. And when I found a good resonating frequency I felt like my whole body was vibrating and being charged with energy. My heart was racing.
When I continued, I walked over a bridge which had its sides secured with a construction fence. The vibrations from my steps made a small metal plate on the fence rattle and I thought: “This makes sense, it was created by humans and so it responds to humans.”
A bit later, after passing the next crossing, I heard steps in the forest left of me and some grunting sounds. I thought it must be a wild boar and knowing how dangerous they can be I decided to turn back and take the other path. When I took the southwards path from the crossing I heard grunting noises and steps again and decided not to take any unnecessary risk and just walk back the same way I had come.
After I crossed the bridge I felt pretty safe because I thought that the wild boars would probably not cross that rattling bridge. So when I found a bench right behind the small chapel I decided to lie down for a moment and relax.
Some minutes later, listening to the sounds around the lake, I heard a fight and some desperate screams from a bird coming from the shore of the lake that I had just decided not to pass.
I could hear and then see a bird escaping over the lake, and while it flew eastwards it gave away loud calls that sounded like a warning.
I guess that a wild boar had been so hungry that it had tried (or maybe succeeded) eating a duck. But my slightly changed mind's first idea, at least for a few seconds, was that a demon was living in this patch of forest. And considering how close I still was and that I was only lying on a bench, I got really, really scared. It was the scariest moment I experienced in years.
I also wondered whether it had maybe not been a wild boar but rather a human who had tried to kill the duck. Anyhow, boar, demon or human, I didn't want to get caught by it and decided to continue moving. As soon as I reached a road I felt pretty safe again, but in that moment when I witnessed the fight and the desperate scream of the duck, the fear in me was very, very strong.
It was an interesting experience, I appreciate it, but it wasn't pleasant.