Hollow – ChatGPT R2
I'm currently on a train ride back to Tønsberg. Earlier, as I left the train station in Oslo, I struggled with my desire to cry freely while also not wanting to draw attention or upset others.
Now, I feel like there's a large empty space in my chest. My hands are tingling. I can't help but wonder if you took my heart with you, which might explain the empty feeling. If that's the case, I hope that I made the right choice in trusting you and that you'll use my heart for good before returning it to me when I need it again. (Sorry for the fanciful language. I'm sure my heart is still physically in my body.)
For a moment, I worried that I may have trusted you too much and given you too much power. I was also disappointed that I couldn't connect with Felix as deeply as I wanted to, because there was a barrier between us that I tried to navigate around as best I could. However, I also recognize that I could have made a deeper connection with him if I had been more present and better prepared. But I was tired and exhausted, and although I was present in the moment, I wasn't fully prepared.
It's interesting how, even now as I sit at my desk at the airport, I can still feel the motion of the train (I didn't drink any alcohol). It reminds me of the motion memory I had after a long sailing trip.
At the core of what I want to strive for, I believe that healing can have a major impact on our lives, as I see in you, in many other people, and also in myself. I'm not sure if experiences like today's contribute to our healing or cause further harm. I tend to think that, ultimately, we have control over this. I could have found many reasons to be angry with you today, and within that mindset, they might have been justified. But I believe that trust and forgiveness are choices, and they bring with them different emotions, which I think are more justified in the bigger picture of what I want to experience. Sadness, at least, is the opposite of joy. It's the emotion that comes with the loss of joy, which means that you've experienced that joy. The deeper the sadness, the more you know what good must have been on the other side.