Intensity
Today when I met my father for the first time since my return from Norway I told him about what I think is the most important thing I learned during this time:
The ability to consciously regulate the intensity of my emotions.
Previously, there was a fixed limit set to protect me from too strong emotions or maybe especially from public display of too strong emotions. But it was out of control, I wasn't able to switch it off. I could only feel that there were suppressed emotions, but I didn't know how to allow them to unfold.
Bit by bit I learned to do exactly that, and even to artificially produce emotions.
His reply was that this might just be the most important thing I learned in my entire life. Because so many people, he said, accept insane disadvantages just to avoid an unpleasant emotion.
To me, the biggest value is the new aliveness that I found. Reading a book like Siddhartha I can choose to amplify my emotions as far as I want and therefore enjoy Siddhartha's life almost as if it had been my own.
He also added (besides comparing this ability to a Volume knob on a Hifi amplifier) that the woman who inspired him the most in the past years also has the ability to completely silence her emotions.
Especially in the context of business, where back-stabbing is not rare, and where it's easy to loose your cool and get overwhelmed by anger, it's very useful to win any battle if you're able to switch off your emotions and remain rational. Not my game, but I accept that turning the volume down also has its own value. As long as the stereo doesn't remain permanently muted.