Nostalgia
Today I helped Nils move back from Nürnberg to Darmstadt and after dropping him off, driving the transporter back to parking place and listening to “Out of Time” by Blur, somehow a wave of nostalgia hit me.
Some two and a half years ago I saw a young woman at a bus stop in Darmstadt. She looked both super hot and super interesting.
I couldn't figure out what she could possibly be thinking.
And I was in a good mood and felt self-confident.
So I actually walked over to her and talked with her. It was the first and last time I did that in Darmstadt. Usually I don't find women that interesting.
We both got onto the same bus and got off on the last stop where she asked me to exchange numbers.
A few days later we met for a walk and immediately connected pretty well. The only thing that shocked me was that she was seven years older than me.
I could have never guessed that and it gave me a bit of a weird feeling.
After the walk we went to join Nils' birthday party. He had just moved to Darmstadt one or two months earlier but the party was lit. It was fun and after a while I lost track of where my woman was. I found her in the kitchen talking with my friend's mother.
Nevermind.
We met again and eventually entered a sexual relationship, but also had more good conversations and many relaxed breakfast sessions. It was a good time.
Until.
She asked me what I thought how our story would end if we were movie characters. I was very much appalled by the idea of being a movie character first of all, but after giving it some thought I started seeing our mutual story rather as a side story, something to enjoy and learn. But nothing that would emerge as the main story.
She didn't like side stories. She wanted all or nothing. I wasn't quite sure what that meant and neither was she, so just to be safe, we decided to not spend as much time together anymore.
I was sad, but it was okay. We could still be friends. I supported her when she finished her masters, building models late in the night while I was so sick I could only lie in her bed and sleep, only to wake up when she got stuck and needed my advise or help.
Later, when I was so sick that I could do almost nothing, she was the only of my friends who visited me at my parents' home.
Still later I also spent a couple of full days building a model and even exchanged a favour with my boss to be able to use his workshop together with her and another friend. Even my boss helped out.
Since she started working I haven't seen her much and then I also moved to Norway for ten months. Since I've been back I haven't seen her for more than 10 minutes at a time, and not more than two or three times in total.
But Nils often told me he was going to her place in the evening so today I asked him how she was doing and how he and she related to each other.
It turns out they became friends in the last months and eventually also started a sexual relationship. Which now reminds me of the time I spent at her place.
I don't feel envy but rather a mix of nostalgia and weirdness.
Like why is it that whenever I have a sexual relationship with a woman, some of my friends come after me?
Thinking back it was the same thing over and over again.
I meet a woman who I find attractive, enter a sexual relationship with her, that relationship eventually ends and eventually some friend tells me: “Oh, by the way, back then...”
As if they don't really know what reaction to expect from me if they told me right away. The only bad feeling I have is that people treat me like I'm either an idiot or omniscient. The truth is I would just like to know what's happening. That's all. Not having to piece things together by myself or find out months later.
It is somehow weird, but there's nothing wrong with it. People get attracted to each other and there's no force that could stop that.
Ok, there is, but what would be the point?