Elias

It was an awakening that overcame me, not a decision I made.

LISA: To believe in everything.

NEPO: To believe in everything. And the other thing that happened on the other side of that is that I've always believed in the heart, in the soul, in the unseeable mystery of things that matter. But before my cancer journey I have to say that I was more in my head.

LISA: A little bit of an intellectual?

NEPO: Yes, [...] And ever since then, my mind has served my heart. The mind is a magnificent tool, but I don't believe it should ever be given the keys to the car.

[...]

Lets talk about what it means to be wholehearted.
And wholehearted to me means that we are challenged to open ourselves in all directions and be as present as possible, without conclusion, every day.

[...]

Now being human, who can do that? Nobody. I can't do that.

[...]

But how do I return to being sensitive when I'm numb?
How do I return to being clear when I'm clouded?
How do I turn to resilience when I'm feeling overwhelmed?

These are all parts that only the heart can teach us
when it connects us to the resilience of all other life
and to the resources of life itself.

So let me say one other important distinction here [...]:

The word “perfect” does not mean, originally, without flaws.
The word “perfect” originally meant thorough.

And in the original King James version of the Bible, that was mistranslated. Because the world “perfect” in Aramaic meant wholeheartedness. And it was translated as perfect.

We have been on a track of miseducation.

Time to move along with my own thoughts that emerged from there:

I realized that my love for you simply depends on the state of love within me. There is no way that love could grow in my heart but not for you. But when I'm clouded, or numb, or unconscious, can't withstand the need to draw conclusions, live from the head rather than from the heart, it suffers and is at risk of spreading this suffering. But this is again where the mind can at least help to limit the damage and lead the way back.

But the key takeaway here is that whatever you do, the only thing that really matters are your intentions, because they are what will keep affecting you. Everything that is a reaction on my side is anyways just a result of my current state and other influences. I'm not saying your influence of what you say or do on me is small, but that of how I receive it and respond to it is larger.

NEPO: Of course there are things that are complex and complicated but we're always asked [...] and then it took suffering to break me and say “there's no difference. Let's get back to what's simple. We're all here. We're on relation to something we don't understand that's bigger than us. We all suffer. We're all helping each other.
Simplicitiy.

And patience... we all have to develop our very difficult friendship with our greatest ally... patience.

[...]

This is a poem of me called

Free Fall

If you have o n e hour of air
and many hours to go,
you must breathe slowly.

If you have one arms length
and many things to care for
you must give freely.
If you have one
chance to know God
and many doubts
You must set your heart on fire.

We are blessed.
Each day is a chance.
We have two arms.

Fear wastes air.