some of my thoughts and notes

Pain 5

The psychological pain caused by leaving you after six weeks closely spent together was intense.

I guess it also came from both the knowledge that our reunion can't be entirely certain and that it will take another six weeks until we meet again.

In one moment I felt like I never want to experience this feeling again.

But then, after it faded, I also noticed how it had changed my awareness. I felt like the pain had made me more aware.

Coming back to Mainz was different than previously. It felt like this was my new exit and entry point into home. I liked how people there interacted, I liked the street art. I liked the pigeons who were courting each other.

I loved Luna and talking with Ryder, and on the way home I even enjoyed the slowing and eventual stopping of the train in the middle of the way. I missed my connecting train and waited for an hour but it didn't bother me, even though it was cold, many other people were waiting there as well and I had to walk to a nearby forest to find a peaceful place to pee.

Even the feeling of alienation from my parents didn't bother me. I'll leave next Sunday anyways, I won't get stuck here this time.

I love the constant change and the pain might have just been a wakeup call.