Simple
I love how simple life is after all.
I don't need to think everything through.
I remember (because I journaled) how depressed I was in the summer of 2020. I had secured an internship in a seaplane manufacturing company in Spain, but somehow I was still feeling anxious and sad, depleted of life.
One morning I sat down and followed a technique I had once read about: I tried to find the one thing I was most afraid of doing right now.
The one thing that would make the whole day lighter once done.
And suddenly I remembered: I had intended to call the CEO of that other seaplane company in Norway. What was there to loose? Nothing, right? But still, my simple animalistic instincts had suppressed this intention.
Now, with re-gained awareness, I knew that I really had nothing to loose, and I pushed through the fear and made the call. In fact, I had to call a second time to actually reach Tomas, but everything after this call is history. He was super nice and I ended up going to Norway, finding great new friends and great work.
I also ended up going to Spain to visit the other company. It was an amazing trip and the guy who worked there became a friend, but they didn't have any work for me and going to Norway was a much better choice.
Looking back it seems like my wretched consciousness back then knew that this one phone-call could open countless new possibilities, and avoiding it would equate an immense future loss. And it did everything to notify me of that, with all the pain it could release at me.
This is the purpose of sadness: it calls our attention to a (potential) loss and forces us to confront it. It's not pretty, but I like how that works.