some of my thoughts and notes

Weird Dreams

Last night I had some genuinely weird dreams.
One was that I closed the door of my car, but it sounded weird and I looked at it and suddenly it was further in than usual, and additionally there was a second open door. I was confused, took a photo of it, so I could later double-check whether I was hallucinating, and wondered how I would close the second door when I'm inside the car.

Then I slept in the driver's seat of my car in the entrance of a parking garage. In the morning I woke up from other cars passing me and got up and left.

In another dream sequence (probably earlier) I was talking with a girl, and she was quite attractive in multiple aspects, and not uninterested in me either. The one thing that put me off however was her intrusive curiosity about why I am together with you.

She wanted me to list the reasons why I was together with you rather than with anyone else (like her) and while I couldn't compile a meaningful list of reasons I still knew that there were good reasons to my choice.

I also realized that her way of asking and analysing felt somewhat foreign to me and made her much less sympathetic. I think it is okay to try to understand things and think rationally, but it's important to recognize that much of our decision-making is not rational, and that more often than not, rational thought follows our ready-made decisions and gives importance to itself by reasoning for or against our intuitive-emotional decisions. But the truth might be that somewhere deep within ourselves we already know many of the answers.

People who make choices, especially in friendships and close relationships, based on rational reasoning or worse, on cost-benefit-analyses, who see the “dating market” largely as an extension of our free market economy, miss something crucial about human relationships. But I'm not yet ready to describe it well enough.