Ember's Writing

thank you for existing
thank you for being in my life.
thank you for the gifts that you bring to me.
in this moment, i want to share that when i think of you... it is easy to
connect to a sense that I am filled with love.
it brims out of every pore of my being
and that love is like sunshine emanating from my soul
and there are no shadows
mid day on the longest day
always
thank you

and sometimes
too frequently perhaps for my taste
the gifts that you bring are painful
i am ashamed to say that
your gifts challenge me
sometimes beyond what i can hold alone
and sometimes i forget
that these are gifts and invitations to grow
and i am consumed with pain
and my head gets lost in a labyrinth
of right doing and wrong doing
blaming you
or me for the painful feelings
when i am unable to see the exit to the field where i want to be
where i perceive you only and always frolicking in the bucolic joy of that
field

and right then
i have a sense of being alone and lost
too small to matter
too broken to mend
too fallible to solve the maze
and too ashamed to be naked before you
with my shadow self
my child self
my small self
cloaked in darkness as snarling Minotaur
hiding

because i want to be sunshine and
rainbows in your heart too.
i want you to think of me as i think of you
always.

thank you for the gifts you bring to me
even when they are painful and challenging.
thank you for existing and being in my life.
i want more.