Ember's Writing

I am deeply concerned about the persistent issue of gendered violence. Not only as I seek to deconstruct how I was groomed, as a man, to participate and contribute towards it. Its been like waking up to a horrible dream, that was not a dream. But also because Gendered Violence has become the locus, the front line of transphobia in the form of feminism expressed by trans exclusionary radical feminists.

Simultaneously, I feel a growing fear over the rise of populism, anti-trans legislation, and hate crimes that threaten the safety and well-being of many. Much of this appears to be fuelled by this form of feminism. I am curious what might be behind these phenomena – buckle up.

From the outset let me be very clear: I aim to offer compassion and care for all women.

And as a British trans woman and sociologist deeply engaged with Nonviolent Communication (NVC), I sense that our struggles are interconnected. By examining how biological essentialism and fascism share roots in colonialism, dominator culture, and patriarchy, perhaps we can find common ground, and create a space from which healing might be more possible. I yearn for a platform from which we might nurture social justice together.

Understanding the Landscape

Biological essentialism—the belief that our identities and roles are solely determined by biology—has been used historically to justify limiting individual freedom and suppress diversity. It reinforces rigid gender roles, which can hinder both personal growth and societal progress. Fascism, with its strict hierarchies and demand for conformity, amplifies these limitations by enforcing adherence to a singular “natural” order.

Both ideologies thrive on rigidity, denying the dynamic interplay of biology, culture, and personal choice. Through the lens of NVC, we see the universal needs and values underlying our words and actions. In this way, we can connect with the underlying desires for safety, belonging, and understanding that these systems attempt to meet, even if they do so in ways that can be deeply harmful.

Its about being baby makers.

I want to acknowledge the fears and concerns that many women hold, the statistics are incontrovertible, and overwhelmingly shocking. However I wonder if there maybe a misdirection or conflation between situating men as perpetrators, and a disproportionate amount of focus, energy and emotion directed at the trans women. What is going on?

Gendered violence is a reality that affects women across all walks of life, and it's fundamental that we stand together in solidarity.

In her 1983 book Right-Wing Women, feminist writer Andrea Dworkin poignantly articulated these fears:

“Within the frame of male domination, there is a good reason for women to hate homosexuality, both male and female. Women are interchangeable as sex objects; women are slightly less disposable as mothers. The only dignity and value women get is as mothers... having children is the one social contribution credited to women—it is the bedrock of women's social worth... Without [childbearing], women know they have nothing. Homosexuality for women means having nothing: it means extinction.”

If we substitute transsexuality for homosexuality in her analysis, we might begin to more fully understand something of the fear underlying the gender-critical movement. This perspective suggests that the inclusion and recognition of trans women might feel threatening to some women's sense of identity and societal value. Natalie Wynn, in her insightful video essay “The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling“, delves deeper into this topic. She explores how these fears can manifest as opposition to trans rights, stemming from a place of vulnerability within a system that has historically devalued women.

Rising Populism and Anti-Trans Legislation

The increasing tide of populism and the enactment of anti-trans legislation fill me with alarm. The surge in hate crimes against trans individuals is a daily reality that affects the safety and dignity of many. These developments not only threaten the well-being of trans people but also signal a broader erosion of empathy and understanding in our society.

The Roots of Oppression

Might it be possible to examine the roots of the ways that we think in support of better understanding where we might go?

1. Colonial Thinking

Colonialism has historically imposed hierarchies, dividing people into categories of superiority and inferiority. It dehumanises those deemed different and justifies exploitation and oppression. Biological essentialism echoes this logic by reducing individuals to fixed categories based on biology. Fascism weaponises these categories, glorifying one group while marginalising or erasing others.

Through NVC, we might identify that these frameworks stem from unmet needs for predictability, identity, and a sense of control. Recognising this supports empathising with the fears and insecurities that underlie these systems, while also standing against the impacts.

1. Dominator Culture

Dominator culture operates on control and hierarchy, presenting domination as “natural.” Biological essentialism reinforces this by asserting that certain roles and behaviours are biologically inevitable. Fascism amplifies these dynamics by institutionalising control through violence and the suppression of difference.

NVC allows us to see dominator culture as a tragic attempt to meet needs for order and meaning while mourning its profound disconnection from compassion, equity, and mutual respect.

1. Patriarchal Foundations

Patriarchy enforces strict gender roles, valuing control and competition over collaboration. This suppression of fluidity and diversity diminishes the human experience, leaving many needs such as, authenticity, self-expression, and mutual respect unmet. As a trans woman, I'm acutely aware of how these rigid structures can invalidate and harm those who don't conform to traditional norms.

NVC recognises that while patriarchal systems are deeply ingrained, they fail to honour the life-serving needs for partnership, care, and creativity.

Not Weaponising Theory but also Weaponising Theory

To understand and dismantle oppressive systems, it's crucial that we remain mindful of how we engage with theory and activism. The band Petrol Girls touches on this in their song “Sister,” emphasising the importance of solidarity and cautioning against using theory as a weapon against each other. The message resonates deeply: when we weaponise theory, we risk alienating those we aim to support and at the same time do the divisive work on behalf of the systems we seek to dismantle. Instead, the bands singer, Ren Aldridge encourages us to make mistakes and also express a full range of emotions and allow mistakes – sound familiar?

Starting with empathy and openness, we can be more inclusive and supportive. Instead of fighting with theory, let’s use understanding to build bridges, not walls. Lets scream and rage at the system not each other. For sure I am using theory here to express my distress, and in so doing I am trying somehow to be heard.

NVC Helps Us Reimagine the World

NVC offers tools to dismantle oppressive narratives by focusing on universal needs and fostering compassionate connections. Somehow we are invited to meet people anew each time we meet them, to drop our painful memories, to drop our prejudices, despite their impact.

• Empathy for All Voices

Empathising with the underlying needs for safety and belonging that may drive individuals towards rigid ideologies, can help us hold the fears that fuel these beliefs without resorting to blame. Being clear – absolutely not condoning harmful actions but instead seeking to understand something of the unmet needs that contribute to such harmful outlooks.
* Embracing Complexity

NVC encourages us to celebrate diversity and fluidity. When we see individuals as dynamic beings rather than fixed categories, it is more possible to create space for more authentic self-expression and mutual respect. This openness can support creating a space in which we might be more able to dismantle the enemy images that often lead to hostility and discrimination.
* Transforming Power Structures

Hierarchical systems often thrive on unmet needs for autonomy and respect. NVC invites us to co-create systems of partnership where power is shared, and everyone's needs matter. By challenging patriarchal norms, we can work towards a society that honours the experiences of all women and recognises the harmful impact of rigid gender roles.

An Invitation to Dialogue

Grounding ourselves in curiosity and care, we can begin the work of challenging biological essentialism, fascism, and their shared roots in colonialism, dominator culture, and patriarchy. It is hard messy work, most especially when so many people have invested so much in this paradigm, not only as a strategy to meet safety but unfortunately also to justify or cloak transphobic positions.

What might it look like to approach these conversations with open-hearted presence? I have no idea. Unfortunately much of my work so far has led to exclusion.

I am grateful to take that exclusion as an opportunity to grow. I wonder how can I model the mutuality and fluidity I wish to see, even when faced with rigidity, gaslighting, exclusion or even potential extermination?

Biological essentialism and fascism aren't isolated; they're both branches of deeply rooted systemic oppression. NVC supports us to cultivate curiousity and connection, with the hope of nurturing a collective shift towards cultures that more deeply support life, diversity, and shared humanity.

With courage and compassion, it might be possible to dismantle the barriers that separate us and together work to support mothering more a more nurturing environment where every voice is heard, and every need matters.

image from https://streetartutopia.com/womens-lives-matter/

#NonviolentCommunication #GenderedViolence #Solidarity #Empathy #SocialChange