A collection of essays discussing the various aspects of self-mastery, focus, and healing.

How My Intuition Helped Me Heal

I’m a psychic medium. I’m intuitive. I read tarot. I’m an energy healer. I have a bunch of gifts that I’ve been given over the years as I’ve healed.

The truth is my intuition and tarot are the things that helped me the most in my healing journey. I’ve followed my intuition the whole way. Has it been right every time? Nope. Not even close.

It actually offered me cycles and self-sabotage multiple times. Why? So that I could learn to recognize those things and heal them. When I recognized them my intuition would shift and offer me a higher truth about what I was experiencing. It would give me new information that I would use to move forward with. I wouldn’t be here without my intuition. It gave me a guided, but not always visible, path forward and for that I am eternally grateful.

So, if it’s so important then how come I don’t talk about it much?

Because I wanted my work to be more accessible to more people. Not everybody has access to their intuition even though everybody has intuition that the could access if they were open to it.

So I started offering self-mastery in a very logical, grounded, down-to-earth manner. I took out all the energy and intuition. I took out tarot. I took out talk of a high power and the spirit or soul. But now, as we begin 2024 I’m being asked to put those things back in.

Why? The word I was offered was integrity.

To be true to myself I have to acknowledge the things that got me here. The biggest thing that got me here was my intuition, which I still use daily to guide me. I didn’t stop using my intuition, I stopped talking about my intuition.

Can you do this without accessing your intuition?

Yes. I’ve shown you how. I’ve offered you a very logical, grounded, down-to-earth process for managing yourself within the experience. That process remains true. Now I’m going to show you how it works intuitively because that’s my truth, that’s who I am, that’s what I did, and that is how I did it.

Self-mastery is the process of mastering yourself within the experience. We’re not mastering the experience. We’re mastering ourselves. The focus moves inside of us and it becomes about the things we have control over and can do something about; none of which is outside of us.

Self-mastery includes the 4 parts of any human being – their thoughts, their feelings, their behavior, and their soul/spirit/energy. The premise here is that the soul or spirit is driving the bus for the most part and we’re simply following its guidance.

Soul and spirit are interchangeable. If you are or were religious you probably say soul. If you aren’t religious or have let religion go, you may now use spirit. They are the same thing. I use both comfortably. Pick the one that works for you.

It’s not easy to let go of the wheel of life. Did I mention that part? Even if you are intuitive and get little bits of guidance and wisdom all the time, it’s still not always easy to follow.

The way intuition works is relatively simple – you will get the guidance you are ready for as you are able to hear it and follow it. If you are prone to shoving it off, ignoring it, or missing it, you’ll find your intuition doesn’t really offer you anything new. It’ll keep offering you the same types of messages until you get really solid in being able to manage those messages. Once that happens you’ll move on to the next thing.

As the story goes for me, I was asking a lot of questions early on and so the messages I was getting were mostly very limited answers to my questions. I wasn’t ready for the truth yet and so I wasn’t getting a lot of truth. I was getting a lot of what I wanted to hear. Yes, your intuition will do that if you’re not ready yet.

As time went on, I started being shown how to heal in the way I now offer. The truth I did get was in relation to my own thinking. I was being told when my thinking was the problem, when I was telling myself a story that wasn’t true, and when I was simply being dramatic or inventing problems that didn’t exist.

I had garnered just enough self-awareness to realize that I wasn’t experiencing the wild emotions that many people are afraid of when it comes to healing. As I managed thoughts and learned how to question stories, I realized the emotions were attached to the old stories. I didn’t really need to feel them much because they weren’t true. They were my mind reacting to its own story.

What I ended up being guided through was a process of managing my emotions in a slightly more stable, rational way. The deep-diving that most people try to do is unnecessary. It’s not all that helpful either because it doesn’t change anything.

The final step in the process was changing my behavior. Everything up to this point was internal. I was understanding myself within the experience without actually using my behavior (the thing I have control over) as a way to help me manage the experience.

By this point I was pretty good at listening to my intuition. By the way I should say that much of the guidance I got was through tarot and writing. I understood early on that if I didn’t find ways to keep my ego out of it, my intuition was going to get pretty muddled really fast.

Listening at this stage meant learning how to question and understand what my mind was doing. It’s also important to note that understanding what my mind was doing meant learning how to ask the “right” questions. If I was asking really triggered questions, I wasn’t going to get answers. If I was asking questions that were projecting any blame, shame, guilt, or victimization I wasn’t going to get answers. The questions couldn’t play in the muck like that.

What’s interesting is that sometimes the question wasn’t the problem, I just wasn’t ready for the answer. There are certain questions I’ve been asking for a few years, but my intuition had other things it wanted me to learn first, so it wouldn’t give me a straight answer. It’s only now, after 9 years, that I’m getting answers to some of the questions I’ve been asking forever.

I know what you’re thinking. How can I trust my intuition when its doing stuff like this?

How many of you stopped listening to your intuition because it wasn’t giving you a straight answer or because it was leading you down a rabbit hole?

Your intuition is somewhat of a reflection of the major cycles in your life. It will help you perpetuate the cycle when you’re not ready to end it. That’s what self-sabotage is.

That means your work is to begin recognizing the cycles and recognizing when your intuition is perpetuating the cycle. Ultimately to break cycles, I had to catch my intuition in action. When I could catch my intuition trying to perpetuate the cycle, the cycle broke because I was now aware of it. That was when a more real truth would come through. That’s when the answers would start to show up. That’s when I would have to change my behavior or change how I was showing up in the world to match the new cycle that I was going to create.

I’ll be honest with you – there were times when I got really mad at my intuition for perpetuating cycles. Like many of you I thought my higher knowing was supposed to be above this stuff. I thought it would always give me the higher truth if I asked the question. As it turns out, my intuition doesn’t work that way. If I had victimized myself with that or blamed my intuition for not offering me the awareness I thought I was ready for, I wouldn’t be here.

Trusting my intuition meant trusting myself too. I had to trust myself to catch the cycles. I had to trust myself to handle what happened next if I didn’t catch on and perpetuated the cycle unintentionally. I had to get okay with the process as it was.

Looking back now, I wouldn’t trade it. Yes, it’s been a pain in the ass at points. It’s also been some of the most valuable experience of my life. I’ve learned so much from how my intuition reflected things back to me. I’ve learned so much from having to figure out how to catch my intuition in action. It offered me awareness of myself and my own cycles in a very real way. I got more doing it this way than I would have if I had simply been given the truth I thought I wanted at the time.

Here’s the thing – the truth at the time would have scared me, made me really angry, and made me sabotage myself much more severely. I recognize that I wasn’t ready for what I thought I wanted. I see what my intuition was trying to show me. Even though it frustrated me at points, my intuition is still my best friend.

If you’re one of the many that dropped their intuition because it sabotaged you, consider my experience. Is it possible your intuition perpetuated cycles and seemingly led you astray because it was trying to show you the cycle? What happened instead of you recognizing the cycle was that your ego got in there, you got mad, and you gave up on your intuition.

What if all you had to do was let go of how you think your intuition should work and simply accept how it does work?

How do I get most of my intuitive guidance? Through writing and through tarot. I picked up tarot first. I recognized I needed a middle man between my intuition and the voice in my head and tarot was it. Now I’ve come to a place where my tarot cards tell me to write to gain more clarity than I can get through the cards.

The way I get guidance has evolved over the last 9 years. It’s very different now than it used to be. I also don’t get as much help anymore. Independence is one of the goals after all. Because powerlessness is my wound, I’m rather prone to just following guidance blindly. You can see from what I’ve already told you that my intuition was mindful of that the whole time. Everything that’s happened has been designed to not make me fully dependent on my intuition as a means of decision making. I still have to be able to make my own choices and do my own thing. My intuition just offers me additional information that I can use to make better choices. It doesn’t actually tell me what to do.

My intuition is a teacher more than a guidance system because my mission in life is to understand myself via experience. When that’s your mission, you get given experience instead of guidance. When you get given experience your job is to learn from that experience. It is only through that process of living life and trying to understand what’s happening that guidance is given after the experience is over.

Contrary to what may seem like a logical conclusion, I am not being set up to fail. I have to keep my head screwed on straight. I don’t get caught in a bunch of wild emotion. I manage myself within the experience and then question if I could have done it better. When things don’t go as I would like them to, I question that as well. What am I meant to get from this? What’s the point?

My learning is constant and consistent. I don’t use past experience as much anymore because I don’t find it all that helpful. There just isn’t that much treasure back there. I’ve done what I can do with it. My present experience is far more valuable to me than the past. You drive your car looking forward don’t you? So why do you try to live your life looking backward?

There is too much focus on integrating past experience. There is too much focus on the inner child or the inner teenager or the inner young adult. What about what’s happening now?

Yes, you have to be able to accept the past and I get that it’s hard for some people to do. When you’re still fighting with the past as a thing that shouldn’t have happened, it doesn’t allow you to move on. When you continue to tell those stories it keeps you stuck. It was the way it was. It’s 30 years old. You can’t change it. It doesn’t matter that you think it shouldn’t have happened, it did happen,. Let it be there. It’s not hurting you anymore, but you’re still using it to hurt you. Let it go. Let it be there as a thing that was. Take what you can from it and then walk away. Truthfully, you’ve probably already gotten everything you can from it. The only thing that you keeps there is the argument that it shouldn’t have happened. That’s something that only you can let go of. Acceptance only happens when you’re ready to drop those stories.

Your intuition is trying to help you, but if you get mad at the self-sabotage you witness from it, it’ll make you walk away. You’ll stop using it. But when you’re ready to see and accept the self-sabotage and figure out how to shift it, your intuition will be invaluable to you, as it has become for me.

If you’re struggling with your intuition or you want to understand how to follow it or use it more effectively, stick around. I’ll be sharing more about my intuition and how it has helped me over the last 9 years! Stay tuned!

Love to all.