I am Eve
Another day has passed and I still have so much going on in my head. Why does life have to be so damn complicated. Emotions and feelings, love and pain, responsibilities, conformity, pretending – so much. Well, I made the decision to go to you, take this further, point of no return. I knew it was wrong, but the pull was so strong to explore this more. We left my summer place and went to the dock. I needed a somewhat neutral space for what we were engaging in. Plus this was always a fantasy of mine. I mean, what girl does not fantasize about being on a dock in the middle of the night with a handsome stranger?? Well, most probably envision someone they know, a crush, a partner (BF or GF, or whatever – trying to be inclusive :) ) So, we ended up on the dock, we talked more, we kissed, we did other things. At the time, it all felt fantastic. I took the forbidden fruit and tasted it. I am Eve in the garden of eden.
The high of this whole experience, the emotions and feelings I experienced was something on a whole other level. I mean the forbidden adds to it, maybe it heightens everything but there was also the mystery of not knowing each other, but also knowing each other. We had a level of comfort with each other as if we had known each other before and weren't exactly strangers.
I just want to call out something here that I did mention earlier. There was some marijuana that was imbibed and alcohol also. At this point, that was 4 hours past, so I can say I was not inebriated, but I am sure there was some residual effects of both of this. I can't comment on what Irish had in him, I know he was drinking and had smoked, but he did not act or seem overly intoxicated. I am saying all of this because I know these can lower inhibitions and make you do things out of character, and I have been there before, stupidly drunk and high, but this night I was not.
I asked you, Irish, about monogamy and your thoughts on it ... I know I am not sure if I believe in it or not, but this has definitely made me question my current relationship and myself. More on this later.
Neither of us had ever done this before. This was new for both of us. I have been thinking of this for a long time though. Meeting a stranger who I just cannot resist. It is one of my fantasies I have been thinking of for about half of my current relationship. I have even told a few people if it weren't for us having kids, we probably would not be together. So now I have been thinking about this alot. What does this all mean for me? If I have been saying this and basically emotionally cheating, now full out cheated, looking at others and wondering what it would be like to be with them, am I happy with my current relationship. The answer is NO, I am not happy with my current relationship. This I have known for a long time, but just ignored it because it was easier. I will get into this more because I am still processing this part within myself.
So, Irish and I parted ways and went to bed, separately. I dozed, did not really sleep as I was going over what just happened. Still riding that emotional high. I tasted that forbidden fruit and at the time it was so amazing. So I understand Eve and what she went through, for I am now Eve in a way too. Life is complicated, people are complicated, relationships are complicated. Do I regret this though? Taking that forbidden fruit and tasting it? I am not sure. I do regret it and I also don't. Irish came into my life for a reason, there is a lesson here for me, something I need to figure out because apparently, the fates, karma, life, whatever it is didn't want me continuing life the way I had been. So, I am Eve and I am changed. Everything has changed now.