24 undone items on the todo list.
A scratchy throat that won't quit.
I'm tired so I want coffee, but I am also anxious so I know it'll make me jittery.
2 capsules of 400mg l-theanine do fuck all despite helping me in recent weeks.
Don't want to do nicotine gum so I haven't brought it with me.
After 2 years off I've begun watching porn again.
First, a couple weeks ago, while travelling.
Again, about 4 days ago.
Then over the past 2 days several times.
I also have begun drinking again. I had a shot of cachaça last night.
I don't believe living a highly regimented life does much good.
But I was happy with my progress and now it feels as if I'm going backwards.
I created a Tinder account out of curiosity this morning for all of 10 minutes. I suppose, to see what's out there, to see who would be interested in me if I was single again.
I've been having doubts about my marriage recently, since my wife seems to want a different future to me — also wants kids soon, while I don't feel ready at all.
But I instantly deleted account after realising how horrible she'd feel if she found out about that and how much I value my relationship with her.
There is no have your cake and eat it too.
I don't actually want to flirt with or fuck other women. I would only be comfortable doing that if I broke up with her first. And I don't want that, because I love her.
Don't know whether I should tell her I went on Tinder. I don't think she would take it well. Especially since I'm on a long solo trip right now.
In the past she has told me I should be careful with telling her too much at once if I have something heavy to tell her.
Ah well.
I'll re-read EasyPeasy, focus on my work, and hope life gets better.
Thank you God for giving me a second chance.