Almost out of money.
Not paid on time, because the (overseas) HQ doesn't want to deal with the bureaucracy, and the local company doesn't have money to pay me.
Credit card due in less than 2 weeks. Limit already reached.
Not getting to stressed though. Or rather, stress won't help.
Just focus on making it easy for them to pay me.
Yeah?
Made a fuckup with the flights home. 5k+ down the drain. Probably won't get a refund.
Fuck the USA – or rather, fuck their bullshit laws about travel visas.
Why the hell should a layover – not even leaving the airport – require a visa that takes 8-10 months to get an appointment?
And fuck my optimism. I shouldn't have been so naive to believe I could have stopped over in the US on the way home.
Ah well, lessons learned. Expensive lessons are usually better lessons. More painful, more you pay attention.
I have less existential questions about life recently, less depression, as I've taken on more worldly concerns and habits. Sexual fantasies and titillations – like trying to convince my wife to have a threesome, or considering a visit to sex clubs, or tantric massage. Getting back into a coffee addiction. Listening to rock music. And now – getting my ass into gear, as I get worried about having enough money and a place to live, alongside trying to raise enough money for a trip back to my home country.
I think it beats nihilism and absorption into the groundless, unified, sublime, insane, terrifying awareness that psychedelics give me.