Breathe in...
Breathe out...

The out-breath is apparently as close to nirvana that we can have in waking life.

A pretty decent start to my day. CrossFit. Walking in the sun. Coconut water and espresso. Italian pasta.

But it's almost 3pm now. It's easy to lose a significant portion of the day with workouts and aimless walking around – even though that leisure time is really useful for producing a chilled out, creative state of mind.

So... what now.

I have a meeting that I don't want to attend. How about I just... pretend I can't attend? Or don't show up?

Plenty of people didn't show up last time.

Alternatively I show up but I just don't contribute. Or I dial in. Something like that. They shouldn't ask me for anything.

Ok sorted. Join but do nothing.

Same goes for almost every commitment actually.

Focus on what is critically important. No one will value me more than I value myself.

Note that the things in my surroundings are distracting me. The computer and books on my desk. The pens. The wires. The turned-on phone waiting for the call. Put them away. Now.

Even the washing outside is mildly distracting. But not as much.

Good. Better.

Before all comms... what did I want to do?

Jesus I am really unmotivated huh?

Entered into meeting. I half want to attend... But half don't.

My balls hurt way too much. I've got a doctor scheduled for tomorrow. Fuck I hope he sorts me out.

In the meantime I feel stuck... basically forced to wank to stop blood flowing to my balls too much.

My back/abdomen pain could also easily be caused by recent CrossFit workouts. They are pretty damn intense.

I ought to see a physio.

What motivates me?

Not feeling like any intense focused work right now that's for sure.

So how about quick snappy replies to comms?

Yeah. That sounds good.

Also prioritization?

Yeah that too.

Ok how about just working. Working. Don't do anything in any order. Do what's easy. Because this is not a day where I'm going to be focused anytime soon.

Let the focus drip in from upbeat music. Pretend I'm high.

Tap into that drunk I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude. Not everything has to be perfect. But things have to be done.

No. Things don't need to be done on paper.

You don't need another break.

Procrastinate the rest.

Most probably I am simply avoiding the uphill path.

✅ Music loud.
✅ Stickies opened and cleaned up.
✅ Opening Tutanota.
✅ Deleted some emails, did an action.
✅ Read a sad blog post.
👎 Sent $3.30 to try to topup a seemingly unfunctional Russian chatbot.
✅ Scheduled a meeting.
✅ Deleted a folder.
✅ Deleted another.
✅ Deleted another.
✅ Deleted almost everything.

Exhausted already.

Should I leave a bunch of junk in my emails? maybe it contains important stuff... but probably not, right? bahhhhh...

I dislike having a lot of digital clutter. I like to frequently throw things out.

This doesn't align well with the type of duties I have frequently – like tracking down receipts for business expenses. Or keeping my crypto wallets safe.

Ok ok ok. I'll leave for now. I'll try to disengage and forget about the junk left in the archive. After all there's always an unlimited amount of mess to be found.

Go through LinkedIn messages and create tasks for anything in inbox.

✅ LinkedIn messages gone, tasks created.

Now crack on with Gmail aye?

✅ Tasks set, payments made, emails deleted.

WhatsApp?

✅ Cleared.

Now there's some random fucking bullshit tasks left. Promised intros. Promised emails. Just shit. Shut shit shithsithsithshiweh[9ueraoDSF X80q34nwtrydv8pigreserg9[edn 'cxk,.

Cunt.

My balls hurt. My back hurts. My teeth – or lack of wisdom teeth, rather – hurt.

Everything aches.

My head included.

Ah! I need water.

Good thought.

✅ Rescheduled everything in the next 3 hours. Made sure to ask the church to leave early.

Why the fuck do I even go to church? it's a big cope.

I guess its because I like seeing people.

✅ Took 2 paracetamol.

My wife made dinner. Nice of her.

I'll go upstairs after I eat it maybe?
Take a shit before my intro call with D too.

Well... I got my 745 words in.

Words of shite but words nonetheless.